180 Degrees- Completed

Chapter Forty Six

"I-um- I should go." I pulled myself out of his bed, quickly changing. "Can I have my phone please?" 

"Vee-" 

"James. Please." I held my hand out and he passed me it.  I pulled my shoes on, not even bothering to tie them up, just tucking the laces in before turning and leaving.  I pushed past Caz and Ashton who were stood in the hall outside his room. 

"Avery-" I shook my head, running down the stairs and out to my car, fumbling with the door handle as I sat in and pulled out immediately. Not slowing down for even a second as the 3 of them came out of the house. 

I knew it was a mistake. So fucking stupid. Everything he did to you and you just walked back in like it was nothing. I know he apologised and everything and I wasn't lying when I said I loved him. I do. I think it was a painful reminder of just how good we were together. But the look on Caz's face. The confusion and the way she looked disappointed in me. 

I knew going to see him was going to be something I'd regret. Maybe that's why I'd stood outside of his house so unsteady and nervous. 

I had this weakness for him that was so embarrassing. He could literally step on me like a doormat and I would just let him. And that wasn't me. But he looked at me today and I crumbled. I'd done so well in keeping him at a distance. At not letting his actions affect me, not crying over it, not getting hurt. And then it was all over as he held my hand on Saturday night. 

His hand in mine was comforting and reassuring usually but that night it felt cold. Like it had been missing my heat and I forgot why it had been. I knew why and I shouted at him about how he'd hurt me. Just one look into his eyes and I was collapsing under him, letting him have me however he wanted. Weak at the knees for a boy who's heart was made of stone. 

I pulled into my parking space, resting my head on the steering wheel until a knock at my window brought me around. Of course. I knew they'd be here. You could have driven anywhere Vee. Gone tot he lake until they would have left but instead you came home and fell right into their trap. I don't have the patience for this tonight. I can barely keep myself together as it is and if they see me crying they're going to ask why and I don't have the energy to lie. 

I sucked in a deep breathe and pushed my car door open. 

"I thought you were going for dinner?" I took my car keys out of the ignition, stepping out of the car and quickly closing the door. 

"And we thought you were going to be studying with the girls." 

"They started drinking so I'm just going to go to the gym instead." I sniffed.

"Avery, What's wrong?" 

"I just miss Izzy." I shrugged and locked my car, stepping around them both and walking towards the building. "I knew you guys would be here. Making sure I wasn't lying about where I'd be." 

"We just want you to be safe Avery." 

"I am safe." They sighed and I ran my hands through my hair. 

"We know about Oscar." I stopped dead in my tracks. What did they know about Oscar? How did they know about him? I turned around, crossing my arms. 

"I'm sorry?" 

"Someone saw you flirting with him when you came home and it didn't take much for us to get it out of Ashley about how you had a crush on him through out the whole of high school." She was going to get it. I swear to god. "Are you dating out here Avery?" My father stepped forward. Looking calm. Calmer than he had ever been with Ashley about this kind of thing. "We're not stupid. We were expecting you to break the rules we set you. We just want to know you're being sensible. Is Oscar why you're crying?" 

"No dad. It's fine. You guys need to go." 

"Avery-" 

"I said. Go. I don't want to talk about it." They looked at each other and I could tell they were trying to assess me as I stood here. "Stop." 

"Stop what." 

"Assessing me like I'm a patient." I tilted my head at them. "You guys are why I'm crying. I knew you would be here. I've been trying to keep you guys happy forever. And after Cayden and Ashley and everything, you made sure that I didn't have any other choice. I was counting down the days until I could come here and get away from all your rules. Do you know how much I missed out on because of you? How little I have in common with people my own age because I was so restricted? I never snuck out. I never disobeyed your rules. I played along. I came here and took the dorm you wanted, the course you wanted, joined the team like you wanted, study hard like you wanted. When do I get to do something for me? When can I be happy for myself? When is it my turn to decide what is good and isn't good for me?" 

"Avery-" 

"No stop. You want me to talk. I'll fucking talk. I am not this girl you keep trying to force me to be. I hate psychology. Its the most boring subject in the world. But I take it anyway. I go to every class, do all the assignments. Because it's what you want. It's the only way I can stay here where I have friends and I can go on dates and I can drink and I can be a normal 19 year old. People ask me where I see myself after college, what do I want to do for the rest of my life and I just tell them whatever you guys tell me I have to do. It's never been about what I wanted, where I wanted to go, what I enjoy. I only did volleyball because you guys did it at school and wanted us to follow after you. I hated it until I got here. I only went to get out of the house for longer and spend time with Izzy." I was probably saying way too much now. But I was on a roll and there wasn't a way to stop myself. Everything was crumbling and them being here was making it harder for me to hide it. 

"I didn't speak a word to Oscar about me being completely infatuated with him for 4 years. And the funniest thing is, if I had, I'd have had a much better time at school because he wouldn't have been using Penny and she wouldn't hate my guts. I would have come here with him, I wouldn't have needed to go on a date 2 days after you left. I met a guy literally 40 minutes after you guys left here and that's where I was tonight. With him. You're rules are so fucking strict that when I came home for the weekend, I had a boyfriend and then I came home to find him cheating on me because I couldn't call him out of fear of what you'd do. Again, here you both are fucking my life up and I don't even live under your roof anymore. But I'm so stuck on trying to keep you guys happy that I'm destroying myself in the process. So go ahead. Stop paying my tuition and bills. Sign me off as a disappointment like you did with Ash. Loose another daughter. I don't care anymore. But I'm not pretending I don't hate you guys. Not anymore. I'm done pleasing you when you can't even trust me to make the right decisions for me." 

They stood there, slack jawed as I let out a deep breath and slowly closed my eyes as I cried. I sighed, shaking my head and collected myself together. 

"Avery-" 

"No." I shook my head and turned my back to them. "That's enough for today. I'm too tired to give you or anyone else any more of me. I don't have anything left to give."