180 Degrees- Completed

Chapter Fifty Two

"Avery." He caught up quickly. "You can't do that." 

"Do what James?" I carried on walking, a quicker pace than normal. If I stopped I'd have to face him and what happened. I don't want to. He wasn't supposed to come out here. He was supposed to leave. Go back to Durham. Or wherever else he was moving onto. Not here. Not following me home. 

"You can't just fucking sing those songs and then fucking leave again." He grabbed my hand, putting all his weight into stopping me moving forward, turning me around to face him before dropping my hand. "You can't keep getting the last word like nothing I have to say fucking matters." 

"James-" 

"No. You fucking left Avery. You left me standing there, packed up your shit and left. And I find out an hour ago that your parents didn't even pull you out? What the fuck is that about?"

"I couldn't do it James."  Deep slow breathes Vee. Keep calm. 

"Couldn't do what? Stay? Let me try and fix it? Because that's not what you were saying when you were laid in my bed before Caz came in."

"Don't do this James. Just turn around and leave." 

"No. I've got things I want to know. You left me with nothing Avery. No explanation, no reasoning. Nothing."

"I gave you a reason James. I stood there in the library and told you why. I told you I couldn't look at you without seeing her. Do you really think I could go the rest of that year and this year watching that? How is that fair to me?" 

"Vee-" 

"No. Don't you stand there and try to blame me for this when if you hadn't have fucking kissed her we'd have been happy. None of this is on me." 

"Don't blame me for you leaving Avery. That is entirely on you." I turned and started walking away. "Don't make me watch you leave again Avery." 

"Well all you're trying to do is blame me for this James. I'm not the one who went to a party and shoved my tongue down someone's throat. I left for me. And if you don't want to accept the blame for that then whatever. Go back to Denver and fucking stay away. I'm done with this constant tug of war with us." He ran so he was stood in front of me, blocking me from continuing on my walking. "You're infuriating. Move."

"No." 

"James-" 

"I'm not moving Avery." He crossed his arms, shaking his head as I gave up. I just wanted to go home. "Why'd you leave if your parents did make you and why did you say they did?" 

"You want the answer that's true or the one that will hurt less?" He raised an eyebrow. 

"Obviously the true one Vee." 

"Because I was still fucking stupidly in love with you and I couldn't guarantee I wouldn't keep crawling back and making myself look like a doormat. Staying with you was making me loose respect for myself. I couldn't promise myself I'd be able to trust you again and I couldn't guarantee you wouldn't do it again." 

"I said I wouldn't." 

"And I said my parents made me leave. Doesn't make either thing true does it?" 

"Avery." 

"No you wanted an answer so there it is. I hated that I still loved you and I wanted to keep coming back for more because that's you. That's what you do to me. Every time I see you it's liked the first time all over again and it hurts so fucking bad that I can't get past it and I know I never will. That I'm at the point where in nearly 2 years, I haven't kissed a single other guy because none of them are you and it's not fair that you hurt me so badly and yet I'm still here shaking, avoiding your eye contact whilst I'm on stage doing what I love because you make me so fucking nervous. So you need to go. Go back there and please just-. Just go home." I sniffed, shaking my head as I looked around for an escape route.