unrequited

01

Have you ever had the feeling of something being just out of reach?

It's worse if its a person, definitely. Because people are always going, and one day it might be really impossible to keep up.

There was a knock on my door.

"I come in peace and with my eyes covered." A sweet familiar voice spoke.

I've liked him for longer than I can remember. Actually, no that's a lie. I wish it went that way, like how a movie plot would go.

But I still remember days when I considered him my best friend. In elementary school we would all walk to school together, he, my brother and I. Although I was only a year younger, Changmin would reach out and I would take his hand, and we would cross the street together. I very clearly remember wishing that he was my brother, rather than Chanhee.

Then sometime around middle school it all changed. I got selfish. I started wishing for more than that.

"Mind you, I'm just having a massive rager in here and making out with someone on my bed," I said to the other side of the door. I was sitting on my bed reading a book alone.

It opened, and my brother's best friend since elementary school poked his head in. He always had this smile on his face when we saw each other. His dimple would show, and that alone would make me smile back.

"You didn't seriously think I was did you?" I shut my book and set it beside me.

"Are you kidding? Come on, Doah I know you." Changmin walked further into my room.

It wasn't the first time he had been in here, and yet I still felt judged. Judged in a good way, like I wished he would look on my book shelf and ask about my favorite books, or the cassette tapes on my desk. Anything to talk to him for just a bit longer.

"You sure do have a lot of homework for a second year," He said, and I glanced to where he was looking. My desk was stacked with papers grouped together.

"That's for book club," I leaped off my bed and covered them up.

Truth be told it wasn't for book club. Okay, well in a sense it was. I'll explain later.

"That was odd," Changmin raised his eyebrows teasingly. "Are you writing some 18+ shit?"

"N-no!" I said, because I wasn't. "You're crazy."

He grinned and sat on the edge of my bed. "If you say so."

"I'm not! It-it's not!"

"OKay! I believe you!" Changmin laughed.

I groaned, and turned around because I could feel my cheeks heating up.

"You're such a responsible student," He said.

"You're not?" I sat on the bed. There was always a respective amount of distance between us, whether we were walking or sitting next to each other. Not because we weren't friends, it's because we were only friends. Of course, though, that makes sense. That's how it's supposed to be.

"not like you or your brother," He laughed. "He's a maniac."

"Say that to his face I dare you," I said.

"No way. Do you want me dead?"

"Just bite him back then," I glanced at him. I loved teasing him about that.

"That was one time! I was in third grade and I'm sorry, how many times do I have to apologize to you??" Changmin shoved me lightly.

"I still have the mark," I laughed and showed him the side of my thumb.