unrequited

09

It was the aftermath of a fight between my brother and I.

When I got home, my mom and dad were cooking together, and Chanhee was sitting on the couch staring at the blank tv.

"It's about to start." He said. He didn't look my way, but he could sense me.

When I came through the door I had an odd smile on my face. It had looked like I was trying to hold in a laugh after what happened with Sunwoo. For the first time in a while, I felt like I was making my own decisions.

"You can watch without me," I said coldly to him and I turned around.

I hopped up the stairs and into my room. I shut the door gently and flew onto my bed. I grabbed my pillow and I hugged it against my chest.

I wasn't blushing, nor did I feel butterflies in my stomach. It was more about the excitement of something new. Something unconventional and totally unexpected for my character.

"No questions." I had said to Sunwoo.

"No expectations," He added.

It was something we both needed and didn't even know we needed it. This was definitely not how I saw my first relationship going.

Sure, in a sense, we were just using each other. Neither of us really elaborated on what we needed a distraction for, but it didn't matter. If we both consented then what was the problem with this?

It's not like my thing with Changmin would have actually gone somewhere, it was all just wishful thinking. All the signs I thought I saw must have just been in my head. He was going to thrive perfectly with Serri and I would be okay with that.

There was a soft knock on my door and my mom poked her head in.

"You're squeezing the life out of that pillow," She laughed quietly.

"I am?" I sat up and I set it aside.

"It's alright. Better that than your brother," She moved to my desk and arranged a stack of papers so they were neat. "You sure have a lot of homework for a 2nd year. It seems like as much as Chanhee."

I shrugged. "it's just like that now a days."

"The wonderful 90s." She said. "I heard you got yourself a pager too."

"Oh.... kind of, it was Changmin's sisters'." I explained.

"Ah," she said. Her voice was empty. I knew she was stalling.

"What's that?" I asked, motioning to the folded paper in her hands.

"I came here to show you this," my mom sat on my bed. It's very clear that Chanhee inherited her looks, her graceful and soft-shaped face. People say I look more like my dad.

She unfolded the paper. It was a well-drawn prototype of a house, a large house, and all the lines were perfectly straight and in proportion. Chanhee's signature was at the bottom.

"I get it. He's good at everything," I grumbled. "Why must you do this to me?"

My mom laughed. "Look closer."

It was titled My Future Life

"He drew this out when he was in middle school, or so. When he really started to get into academics, and it all started with this. He talked about the perfect house, the perfect location, and all the decorations and furniture he was going to put in it." She explained.

"I don't remember him talking about that," I said. I didn't have the excuse of being too young, since I'm only a year younger.

"He would tell you all about it, but you wouldn't really pay attention," She smiled.