unrequited

11

"OH. MY. GOD." Hanni stopped in the middle of the hallway.

"Keep it down would you??" I asked her.

"Keep it down?? Are you serious? You expect me to keep it down after you tell me that Changmin told you that he loved you? And that you and Kim Sunwoo are in some sort of situationship??" Hanni asked as we entered the cafeteria.

"Okay, so it was quite an eventful weekend, but personally not a lot has changed for me." I told her and I handed her a tray and utensils.

"I'm sorry--my mind is just completely blown right now." Hanni closed her eyes for a second to process. "God I'm so gonna kill whoever decided to have a dance team meeting right now because I need all the details. Mostly about Sunwoo, I mean come on?? What was he like?"

"he's... nicer than I expected," I said. "He's more thoughtful than we made him out to be."

"Okay! That's good!" Hanni said, but her tone was cautious. There was a reason she was my best friend though. She trusted my judgment completely, and didn't need to remind me of the rumors behind his existence. "Have you seen him since then?"

"Actually no," I said.

"You guys haven't tried contacting each other since that Friday?"

I shook my head. "As I said, it's a casual thing."

Just as we mentioned him, the doors opened again and it seemed as if multiple people turned their attention to Sunwoo, who walked inside. I never realized how much people noticed him, how much they would pause what they were doing just to catch a glimpse. It was the complete opposite from me.

Nobody even cared when he strolled past and cut in line with Hanni and I.

"Hey." I said. I sounded out of breath, as if I was amazed he was standing here with us.

Sunwoo grinned. "Hey." he repeated.

"so.... what's up?" I asked awkwardly.

"Nothing much," He reached around me to grab a tray and then added. "Just that you and I are going to a party this weekend."

If I had a drink I would have spit it out.

"A what?" Hanni and I asked at the same time.

"Bonfire, this saturday, and I'm going, so obviously I need my person to come with." Sunwoo said.

"How do you know I'm not busy on saturday?" I challenged him.

"Wild guess." He shrugged. "But even if you are you should come! It's gonna be fun."

"Yeah Doah!" Hanni said and I shot her a look. "Oh shoot I have to get going to the meeting but Sunwoo, please convince the girl to go outside for once."

She waved goodbye and shot me a knowing smirk as she left.

"I'm just..." I trailed off as I saw Changmin and Serri get in line a few spots behind us.

Sunwoo glanced over his shoulder and caught onto what I was seeing.

"Switch with me," I grabbed his sleeve and we swapped standing positions so my back was to them.

"I thought you guys were friends," Sunwoo raised his eyebrows.

"a weekend can change so much," I sighed.

"Damn, that sounds so mysterious." Sunwoo said. "Well you're gonna have to tell me all about it in like ten minutes."

"Why ten minutes?"

"Because he's walking over here now and I assume you don't want him to overhear," Sunwoo said.

Before I could ask what he was talking about, I felt a soft tap on my shoulder.

I turned around and there Changmin was. I suddenly felt like I was caught in a fly trap. This was the first time they were in the same vicinity with me, and my stomach churned.

I wished that Sunwoo would stop looking so cocky, like he knew something that Changmin didn't.

"I got it this morning." Changmin said.

I blinked, and then I forced myself to concentrate on the present again. He was holding out a small sticker. But it wasn't just any sticker, it was a golden shiny sticker--specifically the rarest level from a bread brand that I collect. This golden ticket could get me a free cassette tape of my choice once I turned it in.

"No way!" I said, momentarily forgetting every reason this should be awkward. "There's no way?!"

"Yes way!" Changmin grinned. I saw his dimple appear on the side of his cheek for the first time in a while.

He and I had been searching for this for a few years now, since my brother gave up after claiming it was stupid and made a bet that we would never get one.

"When should we tell your brother he can suck it?" Changmin asked.

"I guess at home," I grinned, and then it faltered. "Which is now... your home, as well," I cleared my throat.

"Doah, are you going to introduce me to your friend?" Sunwoo asked, who was apparently feeling left out.

"Oh, right, Changmin, this is Sunwoo. Sunwoo, Changmin." I said.

Changmin stuck his hand out for a handshake which Sunwoo did not reciprocate. Sunwoo stood a few inches taller than him, but probably only one or two. they certainly had different posture.

"Well, as fun as this is the line is moving and we need to catch up." I patted Sunwoo's arm.

"It was nice to meet you," Changmin said politely.

Sunwoo nodded at him, like he was sizing up his competition before we turned away from him.

"What the hell was that??" I smacked his arm as soon as we stepped aside.

"What do you mean? You're the one saying you're gonna take him to your home after school!" Sunwoo said back.

"It's because--it's-it's complicated! But nothing is going on between us." I said. "really, there's nothing."

I sounded more heartbroken than I intended to, because Sunwoo's face softened for a second.

"When we sit down you're gonna have to explain what you mean by that," Sunwoo said. "For gossip purposes."

"I will, when we're away from them." I told him.

I glanced back and I saw Changmin and Serri laughing a few feet away from us. I wasn't close enough to tell if that was his real smile or not. But either way, he seemed to be enjoying her presence, and if that made him happy, then so be it. I'm glad I helped that happen.

"Don't look at him," Sunwoo suddenly pulled me very close to him. I could feel his hand on my back and his eyes staring straight through my soul. "Look at me," He said.

My jaw unclenched, and my hand relaxed. Whatever I was feeling from this close contact wasn't romantic, but it certainly was a distraction.

So when Sunwoo leaned down, close to my face, I stood on my tip toes and closed the gap between us. His lips were soft, and experienced, and he would have kept going if I hadn't pulled away.

It was a short kiss, and I felt nothing afterwards. I felt blank. But that blank feeling was miles better than the heartbreak I would have felt if I said something back to Changmin.

"So what do you say?" Sunwoo asked, we were still an inch apart.

"Hm?" i said, preoccupied with my thoughts.

"The bonfire. Saturday. I know you're not doing anything." He said.

My eyes were glued on him. There was no indication on his face that he enjoyed the kiss, but there was also no sign that he didn't.

"No expectations," I said quietly, so only he would hear.

"No questions." He added.

I nodded slowly. "Okay."

His lips curled into a smile and he took a step back. As he did, I noticed his eyes flicker somewhere over my shoulder. I wondered if Changmin was watching.

But regardless, I didn't look back to check.