unrequited

16

"Shit." I said as soon as I got out of the car.

"What?" Changmin circled around the front to stand next to me.

"His light is on." I pointed up.

"It's okay," Changmin said, though he sounded terrified . "It's okay."

I made a face at him. "He's going to start asking questions. He's going to murder Sunwoo, yell at me for almost dying, and then kill me after."

"He.... he won't," Changmin said, though he gulped. "Okay you're right. He might."

I groaned. "No, no, I'm not afraid of my own brother. I don't care what he thinks."

I pushed open the front door, quietly, because I knew my parents were asleep and Changmin followed close behind.

From here we could see Chanhee writing furiously in a test practice book despite it almost being midnight. He always felt the need to get the most perfect score even though my parents weren't too bad at pressuring.

As I watched him, I realized that the last thing on his mind should be the shenanigans I got into tonight. I knew he wouldn't be nearly as understanding as Changmin was.

"Oh my god." I stepped back, nearly hitting Changmin with my elbow. "I cant go in there."

"We have to get water for you though," He whispered. He was standing directly behind me, and he silently shut the door.

"I'm not in my right mind now." i said. "I'm going to say something stupid."

Changmin nodded. "I'll talk to him." he answered. "Just go upstairs and don't forget to change your clothes."

As I stumbled my way up the stairs I saw Changmin take a deep breath before going into the living room where my brother was.

good luck soldier.

I changed into warmer and more comfortable clothes and I tossed my cold swim suit onto the floor. I'll deal with it later.

I threw myself onto my bed. My whole body felt heavy, like I was moments away from falling into a deep sleep, and yet I couldn't.

My mind was restless. I couldn't relax when all I could think of was What if?

What if I went through with it with Sunwoo? Would we have lasted a few weeks and then just split like all his relationships? Would I have felt any better? Do I actually want a distraction? What if I was just a year older? What if I told Changmin everything I was thinking? What if I regretted it?

But what if he's thinking the same as I am?

I groaned and I hugged my pillow tightly. But through all the what if's the one that stuck out to me was what if I'll always be the one who never gets noticed? and that maybe I should have just stayed with what I was best at: being a wallpaper. A school background character. A nobody because my charisma is no match for popular kids like Serri. We live in two different worlds.

A soft knock interrupted my thoughts.

"Come in," I said.

It opened a sliver and Changmin entered and closed the door behind him. He carried a glass of water to my night stand and sat down on my floor with a tired sigh.

"That bad?" I asked. My lights were off, but the moon was shining brightly enough through the window that I could see him. I laid on my stomach on the bed to face him.

"Luckily I think he's too tired to fight me." He answered.

"What did you tell him?"

"Just that he doesn't have to worry about you, and that you guys can talk in the morning." Changmin said.