unrequited

26

It was a full agonizing five days before we heard from Changmin. We had no way of communication, we didn't even know what city he was in.

Then suddenly, while I was downstairs rummaging through the refrigerator, I overheard Chanhee in my mom's room.

"Doah! Come here!" He yelled.

I went up the stairs and into my parent's room where Chanhee was hovered over my dad's computer on his desk.

There was an email from Changmin:

Hey it's me your best friend, as you can see I survived the plane ride to the states and am somewhat doing alright! We're staying in the tiniest apartment in San Francisco in California (even smaller than my house) and it really is another world over here. People don't bow, which is awkward considering the amount of times I started to, and then regretted it halfway.

And before you ask I haven't seen any celebrities here--though there are a lot of stores with luxury brands. (And again before you ask, no, I'm not getting you things from those stores).

Also my grandma is the same like I thought would happen. They've just administered her into a hospital so I'm basically living alone here since my mom stays over night with her. It's kinda lonely but doesn't feel much different than before when I was living in my house. It does make me miss living in your room though :( I miss my best bud.

Anyways I expect lots of email updates because I'm still not sure when I'm coming back. Hopefully it won't be more than a month. Although I must admit that you were right-- the water does taste better here!

Tell Juyeon and kev I'll email them tomorrow,
-- ji chang

p.s take a break from studying once in a while or I kill you

"Aw," I said, and I glanced at Chanhee who was rereading it again.

He quickly stood up straight, as if he wasn't, but I could tell he was feeling sentimental.

"I um, I'm gonna go do homework. You can copy his email into your account if you want and send him something" Chanhee messed up my hair and left the room in a hurry.

I wonder if he was going to cry.

The idea of that made me sad, so I sat down and logged into my email account. I closed the door, and the room was silent aside from my clicking on the keyboard.

I heard a ding sound, and I refreshed the page.

1 new email:

Hi Doah! I hope you and Chanhee are having fun without me :) I'm not sure if you read my email to Chanhee, but I still don't know when I'll be back, but I hope it's not too long. I really want to see you.

Honestly it's been kind of challenging fitting in here. I feel out of place just getting groceries sometimes.But at least I know what's waiting for me when I come back home.

If it's alright with you, I think we should wait to make it official for when I come back. I want to take you on a real date, just like in the movies. (By the way you would like it here, it really does look like the set of an American high school love story)

I've got to go make dinner and bring it to my mom but expect lots of emails from me! I miss talking to you.
- Ji chang

In the corner of my eye I saw my reflection in my mom's vanity mirror. I was smiling like an idiot.

I typed up a long response to him, after I researched the time differences, and told him the best time on both our ends to communicate. I asked him what going on a plane was like, how he was going to keep up with school work, and asked about places he was going to go and things he was going to see.

After I sent the email back, I logged out and saw my brother's email, where he hadn't responded to Changmin. I knew he was busy and all, but one email wouldn't hurt.

I left the room and I knocked on Chanhee's door. There was no answer so I opened it slightly.

Chanhee's head was on the desk, resting in his hands like he was crying, and he was quite literally drowning in crumpled pieces of paper.

My eyes softened for him. Chanhee is the smartest person I know, and he was always so confident in his abilities. I hated seeing him so defeated like this.

"Chanhee?" I asked.

He sat up straight again and turned around in his chair. "What do you want?"

He wasn't crying, but his eyes were darkened and tired, and he looked like he might sink into the floor.

Originally I came in here to go yell at him to reply to his best friend, but instead I said, "Do you want to go get a coffee or something?"

"Doh's I'm busy, what do I always tell you?" Chanhee said moodily.

When will you stop pushing me away?

Usually I would roll my eyes and leave him be. but for some reason, I don't want him to drift further away.

"Please? I really want to," I told him.

Chanhee blinked. "Why? Are you just tricking me so that I'll go outside? I don't need to, Changmin doesn't know what he's talking about. He doesn't understand what it's like having an hour by hour schedule."

"No it's.... I want to," I said. "It's just that next year you're going to be off at university who knows where. And then even if I wanted to go hang out with you, I wouldn't be able to, since you'd be so far away."

Chanhee sighed, and he glanced at the floor and for a moment I saw his face soften. "Fine. But you're paying."

"Deal." I said to him. "What's with all these papers?" I asked. "You know mom doesn't like when we waste it."

"Oh just my failures at getting into university and having a stable future life." Chanhee said as we left the house.

"How can you have failed? You haven't even turned them in yet." I said.

"I just know it's not good enough." Chanhee answered and threw a jacket over my head. "You wouldn't understand."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"I asked as we crossed the dark sidewalk under the street lamps.

"No I'll figure it out."

Chanhee and I went to the nearest convenience store and got cheap coffees. They taste better as a late night snack like this.

On our walk back we didn't laugh or joke as much as we used to when we were little, but still it was something. At least he was taking a break. At least we were together.