unrequited

25

Do you know that feeling of pure regret? The one that gets your stomach in a knot, and your face drops so quickly because you realized what happened. Its a feeling I get whenever I lie or say something stupid.

Right now, it's because I was just digging through my drawer and I found an old picture of me, Chanhee, and Changmin.

I had been standing off to the side and you can see Changmin dragging me further into the frame to stand with them.

I was in denial that I loved him so much. I was in denial that we had torn apart years of friendship in a few minutes. But most of all I was in denial that he was leaving. For god knows how long.

I left the house with nothing but a jacket and my pager. I was in such a rush I didn't leave a note, but nobody seemed to notice I left anyways.

I sprinted down the block to Changmin's house but the lights were off. The car was gone and it was clear they left already. I knocked on the door, once, twice, begging for him to still be there.

"Please," I said to nobody but a gust of cold wind. "We just need one more chance."

After a minute and nobody answered the door, I tapped on the pager a few times. I felt defeated, because there was nothing I could do. The bus wouldn't come for a while, and I definitely couldn't run to the airport.

I walked further down the street and I came across the playground. It was kind of spooky at night, and the structure seemed so much bigger when we were little.

I heard the sound of jogging on grass, and I peaked around the slide to see a boy balancing a soccer ball on his knee. He flung it into the air and caught it on his foot.

"Sunwoo?" I said. A spark of hope lit into my chest.

"GAH! HOLY FUCK" Sunwoo jumped back with his fists out to fight.

"Sunwoo did you drive your car here??" I asked frantically, running towards him like a crazy person and grabbing his shoulders.

"What the fuck? Oh my--shit you scared the crap out of me." He caught his breath.

"DID YOU. BRING. YOUR CAR??" I shook his shoulders.

"What? Yeah I did, why?" Sunwoo asked. "Are you running from someone? Don't tell me you did something illegal without me."

"No! I-I have to--Changmin he-he left and I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't get to say what I wanted to--"

"Where do we need to be?" Sunwoo grabbed his soccer ball.

"The... the airport. No, forget it." I sighed. "It's useless there's no way we can catch up."

"Yes we can. You came to the right guy Doah, I'm a master of speed." Sunwoo grabbed my hand and ran over to his car.

I got into the passenger's seat and the engine roared on.

"You might want to hold onto something." Sunwoo said.

"I forgot you're a terrible driver." I said.

"yeah well this terrible driver is about to save your ass's love life." Sunwoo grinned. "Ah, it's so romantic. Forbidden love-- and now the almost too late trope."

"It's not romantic it's-- it's frightening," I said. "Too close for comfort."

"So what happened between you two?" Sunwoo asked as he sped past four other cars and cut two lanes without using his blinker.

"We regressed."

"What?"

"We got in a fight."

"Like a lover's quarrel or-"