unrequited

32

When my dad walked in on the three of us huddled on the floor and the two boys sobbing, he opened his mouth and stepped away, closing the door again.

My mom came in a few minutes later smothering us with questions, asking if something went wrong at prom, or with Chanhee's interview.

Changmin put on a sad smile for her. The kind of smile he puts on at school that makes everyone think he's the golden boy . He shook his head and told her he's just happy to be home.

"Chanhee just missed me so much I guess," Changmin nudged my brother who scoffed and rolled his eyes.

My mother sighed of relief. "Okay, come downstairs and get breakfast then," She said.

Chanhee zoomed out of the room, he absolutely hated people seeing him emotional.

Changmin hung back and put his hands in his pockets and sniffled. "You coming?" He asked.

"Yeah I was gonna--you know, change out of this dress," I said.

"Oh!" His ears blushed pink and he turned around. "Sorry." Changmin quickly left my room and closed the door gently.

I changed into jeans and a tank top and I met everyone in the kitchen. Chanhee managed to talk the whole time about his interview and colleges so that Changmin wouldn't have to say anything. I glanced at him a few times, and as much as he tried to engage in the conversation, he just seemed so different.

At this point I felt a lump in my throat. I had the terrifying thought that he would never recover from this. We lost him.

That's when I felt a light tap on my knee. Changmin extended his leg to touch mine under the table, and it stayed that way. The contact was so small yet so reassuring.

"Doah," My mother said, scaring the crap out of me. "How was prom?"

"Oh... it was alright," I said. "We didn't stay for that long."

"Maybe if you had a date it would have been more exciting," My dad tsked. "You know in our day prom was for the couples."

"Dad," I narrowed my eyes at him.

"what about that Sunwoo kid?" My mother asked, making it worse. "What ever happened to him?"

"We're just friends," I assured her.

"What a shame," My mom answered.

"Anyway," Chanhee said and continued on a long rant about university dorms again until breakfast was over.

"Thank you so much again for everything you've done for me," Changmin bowed to my parents. "I really appreciate it, I don't know how I'll repay you."

"Don't worry about it, you're family." My dad said.

"You're welcome back any time honey. We love having a third kid around here," My mom added. "These two are so quiet aya. Always reading always studying. So boring."

Chanhee and I scoffed.

"Give your mother our condolences," my dad said and they left.

There was a moment of silence and then Chanhee spoke. "Are you coming to school this week?"

Changmin nodded. "I've already missed so much. I have a lot of work to catch up on."

"I'll help you," Chanhee said. "I've kept all my papers and homework, you can just copy it."

"Thanks," Changmin said.

"Well." Chanhee let out a breath. "I'll let you two say bye alone then. Don't have too much fun." he walked up the stairs and we heard him close his bedroom door.

I led Changmin out onto the porch where birds were chirping and it was a sunny day. It was hard to enjoy it though considering everything.

"We still have to go on a first date," I said.

"Oh. Y-yeah, we do." Changmin said. He was looking off into the far distance, who knows at what.

"....you still want to right?" I asked with uncertainty.

"Yes!" Changmin said quickly, and he turned towards me. "Of course I do. Being with you is the only good thing right now in my life."

"Okay, just double checking," I gave him a small smile.

"I'm sorry. I'm such an asshole. I always bring back so much bad news for you guys, we barely.... I mean you deserve better." changmin said.

"It's okay, I know there's a lot happening right now."

He nodded. "I really want to take you on a special date it's just.... I want to feel okay for it, you know? I mean I don't want you to have to deal with this depression and it's-- what I'm trying to say is, can we wait a bit?"

I nodded. "We can wait as long as you want."

Changmin sighed. "I'm so sorry. You must think I'm the weakest person on the planet."

"I don't think that," I said. "I admire you for knowing yourself so well."

I could see how much this hurt him. How much he wanted to be okay, but he was slipping further and further. I didn't want to let him go.

"I'd better head back to my house," Changmin said.

Don't go. I just have a bad feeling what would happen if you did.

"O-okay," I said.

"I'll see you at school."

He turned around but I grabbed a hold of his arm and pulled him back. "Wait," I said. I glanced back at my house to see if anyone was watching. I stood on my tip toes and pressed a gentle kiss on his cheek.

For a split second I saw his eyes fill with something. I didn't know what it was, but it wasn't sadness. I was glad I could have that happen for him even for just a moment.

"I love you," He said.

It might be strange for high schoolers who just started dating to be saying that already. but our version of love extended more than others. We were friends before anything, and we have had love for each other our whole lives. We've waited a long time for this to happen.

"I love you too," I answered.