𝐅𝐀𝐓𝐄 | JJ MAYBANK

XLVI

    ━━━━━━。゜✿ฺ✿ฺ゜。━━━━━━

A blaring alarm rang in my ears making me want to actually cry i let out a groan and flip around in the bed i was in.

The bed... i was in... holy Shit who's bed am I in?

My eyes snaps open and I take in my surroundings, the bland wallpaper that rose forced him to put up and the posters on the wall was starting to clear up my brain fog and I slowly regained some of the memories of last night. I could barely remember anything except for the main things, like rafe and getting here but there was no signs of the boy in the room.

Drunk me is so stupid, i think, I rubbed the crust out of my eyes but stopped to stare when I hear the wooden door in the corner of the room creak open.  the man himself walks inside with dripping wet hair and a white towel tucked loosely below his torso and walks over to his phone and clicks off the alarm. he hadn't noticed I was awake not until he looked in the mirror and saw me starring back in the reflection.

he turns to face me. "Did I wake you up?"

I ignore what he says, I got up slowly looking around. "Hey you should relax you drank a lot last night." He informed me, I shake my head, he was the reason my brother was dad, how the hell could I have ended up in his room. "Stay away from me," I tell him darting my eyes around, I stand to my feet but suddenly my head started to throb and my vision blurred away.

Next thing I know rafe is in front of me holding me up by the arms. "Woah, carful." He says settling me back down on the bed.

"I think your suffering from a horrible hangover." he tries to joke. "forgot you weren't a morning person." He mumbled under his breath.

I jump back taking his arms of mine, "get the hell off me," I grumbled, "listen I don't remember how or why I'm here. Or how I even ended up in  your bed but we're not friends, Rafe. Not in the slightest."

He stares back at me almost stunned that I spoke to him like that, once a narcissist always a narcissist I guess. He stays silent, and he grabs a water bottle and hands it too me with a mysterious small white pill. "do you think I'm going to poisen you." He sassed.

"I wouldn't put it past you."

"It's Tylenol." He deadpanned.

He could have been easily lying but I was taking the chance. I swollow it down quickly and take another glance at the brunette in front of me, "I'm leaving," I murmures looking around for any of my belongings,  I walked around in a hurry collecting them as he talked. "You were five seconds from skinny dipping with half the football team and I didn't want you to get hurt so I brought you in here but don't worry I slept on the floor. " he disclosed, I kept silent the whole time hopping he'd just let me leave. i glance to the side seeing the blankets and pillows stacked on each other but kept it pushing, throwing on my clothes over his big ones, I cringed at the thought of him seeing me with only underwear and a bra on.

"I couldn't watch you get taken advantage of."

I snort, "yeah like you've thought about me or my feeling with any choice you've made. Save it rafe, your lucky im being calm right now."  I wasn't lying but it was more that I didn't feel anything, then calm. I had no emotion these days to even fight over anything right now.

I could feel him pacing behind me and from the corner of my eye I seen his hands on his head, that he had freshly shaved down. "I-I know- I know. It's just hard okay— you don't get it, no one does! I was trying to protect my dad —and and- your brother was just collateral"

When he said that everythimg flew out of the window, it was like suddenly every emotion had clicked in my head. I twisted my body again dropping everything I had in my hands to the floor, and storming up to him. "Collateral? Are you fucking serious? Collateral?" I shouted at him with a pointed finger, "that's all I was too you, and my family. You never once care about anyone but yourself ever Rafe! You knew my brother was the only person I had anymore and you took that away without one thought. You didn't stear the boat but you might as-well have!" I groaned loudly, pulling at my hair from the roots. "Oh my god, Callateral!" I screamed still in disbelief, the once emotionless Andrea was now filled with one emotion. Anger.

all I could do was push him, and then push him more and punch at his chest, he took each of his hits without trying to grab my hands.  All he could do was say I'm sorry over and over again. "Collateral!" I scream one last time before dropping me hands and stammering back, "I never want to see you again, I hate you. With every burning passion in my body rafe Cameron," a ball gets caught up in my throat making it hard for me to get the words out, I thought of my brother, and every Kook who said he was nothing but a pogue here stood thee reason why he was dead.

He clears his throat and finally speaks up. "I owe you a lot Andie. I know that now and I just want you to know that what I felt for you wasn't a lie." I stare off into the distance finding something to focus on. The harsh truth was Rafe didn't consume my thoughts anymore, he wasn't who I made fake scenarios in my head with when I'm about to go to sleep or who I thought with a wide eyed wonder— he's not who I imagined myself with in the future and I know I once did, that I once loved him. but he fell in-love with old Andie, I didn't sympathize with him, I felt nothing anymore, I didn't have a soft spot in my heart all I saw was pure evil standing in front of me. 

I shifted my glaze away from the object I had focused on and back to his eyes, those eyes that once seemed calm was now filled with something I hadn't seen before only when he used to talk about his dad I saw pain, like what I said had really hurt him in a way. Like he didn't even know why it hurt him but it did.

"Is that really how you feel"

my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest when I said, "you killed my brother Rafe."

"I-I didn't kill him Andrea," he tried to reason, I shake my head stumbling back. "I tried to protect my dad don't you get that— I didn't know what else to do."

"but you didn't care about anyone else in the process, Rafe you dad abuses you!" I exclaims, "why do you keep protecting him!" This seemed to turn his sadness into deep risen anger and he takes a few steps back himself and shakes his head with his hands in the little hair he had left. "No no no—you don't get it" he murmured— "no one gets it!" He yells swiping to his left and with his hand he knocked down everything on his dresser, making me let out a shriek, suddenly fear instilled in me and I backed up some more, rushing to grab the things I dropped.

"Wait Andrea-I'm not going to hurt you- stop please," he stuttered, I glanced up jumping up and heading for the door, not listening to one more thing he had to say. I was hoping he wouldn't follow but of course I was wrong, he came up behind me as I tried to pull the door open and slammed it closed from behind me. "I said Stop!" He screams making me jolt back, I grabs my arm and turns me around and I pinch my eyes closes in fear, tears almost falling at the brim, reminding me of that night on the tarmac all that more.

"Please just leave me alone," I cried the tears all ready falling over. he stands there heaving with one hand over the door beside my face and the other down to his side. I could see him analyzing my face trying to see if my emotion was raw or if it was all just fake, but no it was real. The fear was real, the anger was real.

Suddenly it was like a switch like he knew what he had done was too far and he drops his hand. he slowly, so slowly pulls it in holding it with his other hand. "I'm sorry," he mumbles, as I try to drop my tense shoulders. I sniffle back tears, "I just wanna go, please" I begged, rafes glaze shifted from his hand and then back to my eyes. He pinches the bridge of his nose and then nods.

"yes. go"

I didn't let another word get out before I turned around and left as fast as I could.
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