Off the Carousel

Everything? THAT was Everything?

A/N: A little history for non Greys fans... Before Derek died, he and Meredith had a big fight over a career move. He was offered a big job at the NIH in D.C for the President. An offer he couldn't refuse. He tried at first, wanting to give Meredith a shot with her career as it was just taking off, but the pull to his dream job would not go away. Meredith sensed his resentment at giving up this dream job to stay for her, and pushed him to go and take the job anyway. Even if it meant she would remain in Seattle.

But then he made a mistake and kissed someone else... afterwhich he immediately fled to go back to his wife.

A few years before that, Derek had initiated a medical trial to cure Alzheimer's. However, Meredith, in her effort to help a friend, messed it up and broke Derek's trust. In the midst of it, they were given custody of Zola. However, the two failed to communicate and briefly lived apart, even though they had Zola.

Anyway, back to the story!

Enjoy!

2015:

How had he ended up here? Escaping DC, escaping Renee', he swore he said Seattle to the ticket agent. He swore he boarded the right flight. And yet, once again, Middleton sucked him in. The plane had been forced to land in Blairsville, and now he was driving a rental along a familiar highway.

Middleton, 1 mile, the sign said.

Except it was extremely late. He didn't intend to stay this time. He just... he had to figure something out.

He parked beside the Grey House, not bothering to go up the driveway. He didn't want anyone to know he was here. Exiting the car, he popped the trunk open and found the emergency kit where he retrieved a small flashlight. Good enough.

Darkness parted around the blaze of his light as he stepped carefully through the woods. He followed the trickling sound of the creek until he came to the bridge. He stopped for a moment, stared out into the darkness, at the black creek trickling along below him.

Deja vu.

Of course, he'd been here before. Only a few months ago, after Meredith told him to leave.

That visit hadn't resolved anything, it only revealed the war he always waged in himself, and he'd done what he'd always done. Denied. Avoided. Ran. Now, as he trudged through the dark woods, he realized this place wasn't letting him run anymore.

He came to the bank of the creek. Moonlight shone a spotlight onto the cliff face, and he saw the wide open crevice of the cave.

He stood up straight, squinting at the dark mouth above him, and stepped toward it.

xxx

It took some doing, but now he had the box in his lap. Holding the flashlight between his teeth, he cracked it open. He dug in there, holding each item up to the light, thinking, reflecting. His Grandfather's tags, his Dad's lure, his hockey team from the year he slammed Michael Boetcher into the boards so hard he was paralysed. 'The Sun Also Rises.' A book he'd read to do a report on in college, but also fell in love with. And the ring from his first marriage.

And then there was the bullet. A crushed bit of copper and lead barely bigger than a pencil eraser. A reminder of all he'd been through. He swallowed and rubbed his forehead wearily.

He squeezed the thick rubber of Zola's 'chalupa'. Another reminder, he supposed.

His first day with Zola by himself, his very first day– when his anger with Meredith was still ripe– Zola had cried for hours. He had held her and bounced her and kissed her. He put her down, picked her up, offered her food, burped her, and changed her diaper. Still she cried, and cried, and cried, nearly all night.