Off the Carousel

Ellis

A/N: Another chapter for you! Thank you so much!

Enjoy!

Except for Zola's scribbling and the humming heater, the OR waiting room was silent. Cassie held Bailey while Grace and Zola drew pictures. Construction paper and crayons lay scattered across the table as Zola eyed her project, gauging colors and perspective like Monet. On the floor beside her, Grace worked on her own masterpiece, etching out a blue-framed snowflake on beige construction paper.

Despite the relative calm, Meredith's situation scared Cassie. It shouldn't have, but it did. Seeing her like that... that strange look on Meredith's face, as her gaze settled somewhere beyond her, beyond reality...

In that instant, the universe cut Cassie off and left her flailing. She could not ascertain the usual inklings it often bestowed on her. She'd felt this once before, when Jake passed. And though she'd made peace with his death, she couldn't make peace with this feeling.

"It's time," George said as he left Jake's hospital room.

She shook her head. It couldn't possibly be true. "No."

"Cassie-"

"I would know. I would feel it. You know I would."

George took her hand and held it between both of his, scratching her with calloused fingertips. "I think this... is his moment, and his alone."

She sucked in her lips. She didn't believe him. She couldn't believe that there would be future moments without him.

"You should go in there... spend some time." George said.

Cassie nodded reflexively, but didn't take any steps toward the hospital room.

Wiping her eyes, she came back to the present. Now was not the time to let in doubts. Instead, she stroked little Bailey's soft hair. He looked just like Meredith, and gazing at his cherubic face erased the haunted look she'd seen in his mother less than two hours ago.

Zola held up a picture. "Look!"

Cassie examined it carefully, recognizing familiar landmarks: the big oak tree, the bridge, and what appeared to be Meredith and Derek, limbs spread starlike – "Are those wings?" she asked.

"They're makin' snow angels," Zola announced with a nod.

"It's beautiful."

Maybe Zola knew that her mother was alright. Cassie hoped she was right.

A shadow crossed the window, and the door opened. Sam entered, dressed in rumpled scrubs. He removed his surgical cap and wiped his forehead. Cassie shot up from her seat, hefting Bailey up with her. Crayons clattered as Zola and Grace stopped what they were doing and stood up as well. "Is she–?"

He stepped close. "It was touch and go," he said. "But we stopped the bleeding. Mom and baby are going to be just fine." He smiled. "You'll be able to see them shortly."

"Oh." Cassie choked out. Air rushed into her lungs as she could finally, finally take a full breath.

"Mommy's okay?" Zola asked.

Sam crouched down and put both hands on Zola's little shoulders. "Your mother is going to be fine, thanks to you."

xxx

Meredith heard soft voices, footsteps, shuffles, and beeps. She sighed and shifted her body, trying to get comfortable. "She's coming to," someone said. Geez, talk about pressure, she thought. Not like she came back from the dead or anything. Wait, she kinda did.