Wanted dead and alive ~ A Hellsing fanfiction.

Chapter fifteen Confesions with a hint of insanity

Chapter fifteen
Confessions with a hint of insanity

Jane and seras where both in the private training bunker, yet again practicing hand to hand combat. Seras wore her loose tank top and shorts for the occasion, while Jane had on sweats and a T-shirt.
All morning Seras watched Jane's every movement with intense supervision, her master had personally told her to keep a sharp eye on her when he could not. Even though he was most likely watching them now, Seras still acted as if her and Jane where completely alone.

"Time out!" Jane huffed, plopping down on the mat placing her head in her hands, breathing ruffly. Seras frowned, this was the fifth time Jane asked for a time out. Her attitude was poor, her strength was barely noticeable, and her face was pale. Seras sat down next to Jane, placing her wrapped hand on Jane's sweaty back. She had a hunch of what was bothering Jane so much.

"It wasn't your fault you know." Seras said quietly, sitting on the wrestling mat crisscross. 

"What do you mean it wasn't my fault?" Jane asked before gulping down water from a bottle. "You saw what happened."

Seras grimaced, thinking back to the night, now almost a three days ago. "Yes I saw but it wasn't your fault, it was Harold who gave the order."

Jane put down her bottle, looking over to Seras. "Why are you telling me this?"

Seras bit her lip. "You keep blaming your self Jane, all you did was cry for hours how an incident boy is dead all because of you. How could you think that?"

Jane stood from the mat walking away. "Very easily. If I hadn't spoken out against Harold after learning of him canceling the search. Then he wouldn't of had to order Alucard to kill an innocent person, I didn't even know the guy's name. If I hadn't said anything he would be alive to da, going about his life as a simple butler. But no, I had to say something, I tried to take control instead of staying quiet, I wanted to play the big girl for once. That's why it's my fault, if only I had kept my mouth shut none of this would have happened."

Jane leaned back on the opposite wall facing Seras, wiping off a beat of sweat falling over her face. she looked down at her feet crossing her arms over her breasts. "It taunts my mind that this happened, and the board not even classify it as murder. They simply sent Harold a letter of warnings and acted like it never happened. What the hell were they thinking, where is the justice in any of this?" Jane mumbled.

Seras shook her head. "Maybe they think the subject might attract to much attention towards the organization."

Jane shook her head again glaring down at the floor, her face red and dripping in sweat, the twisted knots showing from her frustration. "It is ludicrous, that is what it is. An offense to all Hellsing stands for, how can a attack on ones life be justified with a warning?" Seras nodded in complete agreement with Jane, understanding her turmoil with the situation.

"Do you want to hear a story?" Jane asked, very quietly.

"Uh, sure." Seras replied, feeling she was in for something interesting.

"When I was a little girl starting the second grade, I was very shy and quiet.
Being raised up in a house with only a mother to care for me, I was left alone often. At home I would wait till nine at night for mother to come home, by that time she was tired from work and went straight to bed. I was lonely and in need of a friend, so I talked to my self as company, and read hundreds of books.  Mother eventually noticed this, and was concerned, as a result called my cousin, Integra constantly. When I was younger the thought bothered me, but now looking back I can see that Integra was my only family left. On the days when I was alone and not at school I would sit in my room and play with my favorite doll.
              The dolls name was Harley, she was a little plush toy dressed in a circus outfit.
The only reason she was my favorite was because it was a gift from Integra for my fifth birthday. I remember Integra came over to our house that day and gave her to me. That was the first time I had ever met Integra. At first she frightened me. She was a tall scary looking woman, with a pirates eyepatch on her face. But once she started to talk to me, she wasn't as scary as I had feared.  At first it seemed that Integra was always at my house, checking up on me, keeping me company. Always happy to see me.
                 But when ever mother came home, Integra would keep demanding things from her and trying to get mother to agree with Integra on something. I was too young at the time to understand what the two kept arguing about, but I would always listen.
Once Integra came back to the house sending mother over the edge. The two started screaming at each other and fighting with words until mother some how got Integra to leave. This surprised me since I had never seen Integra not have her way.
I loved Integra, as if she where my other mother, a friend that came to play with me when I was by my self.
                 After last argument with Integra, mother became more frigid and scared. She then sighed me up for fencing classes with the best teacher she could afford, by that time I was eight years old.
When I entered sixth grade I became more confidant in my self due to my fencing teacher who was a close friend, and my cousin Integra. He taught more than sword play, my instructor showed me how to harness my strength, as well as courage.
Slowly I crept out of my protective shell, showing off my colors to the world. I wasn't shy or timid about the other people who saw me, and I felt excepted.
So one day at school I saw a fellow sixth grader picking on a younger grade kid.
"Your just a little shrimp!"
The sixth grader said, or something along those lines. 
"Your so small that your mommy can't find you!"
Now looking back those insults weren't very offensive, but back then they where curse words.
I marched up to the sixth grader and told him to stop telling at the younger kid.
"Make me!" He said back challenging me.
So instead of taking the high road and telling the teacher, I punched him dead in the face."