Izy
"I didn't know na nagdadala ka pala ng ibang babae dito, Rhamsiz. I thought you still love my Ate," tila dismayadong saad nito na bumasag sa katahimikan dito sa dining room. Nagkatinginan pa nga kami ni Kelly dahil sa narinig. Ba't parang kabit 'yung mga datingan namin sa sinabi niya?
Kahit na gano'n, hindi pa rin nakawala sa pandinig ko ang last sentence na binitawan niya. So, she's a sister of Rham's ex lover pala. Kaya naman pala napaka-bitter ng trato nito sa amin, lalo na sa akin. Bwisit siya. Akala niya ba nakalimutan ko na ang mga pang-a-accuse niya sa'kin kanina? Pwes, hindi. Dadalhin ko hanggang hukay ang hinanakit na dinulot niya sa'kin.
Napatingin naman ako kay Rham nang hindi man lang ito umimik. Nanatili lamang siyang nakayuko at nakatitig sa pagkain na nasa harap niya kaya hindi ko makita ang mukha niya.
"Bakit hindi ka makasagot? Did I hit---"
Bago pa man matapos ni Margareth ang sinasabi niya, naputol ito nang mag-angat ng tingin si Rham at tinitigan siya mata sa mata. Na-focus naman ang pansin ko sa mga kamay niya na sobrang higpit ng pagkakahawak sa kutsara at tinidor, to the point na na-bend na ang mga 'to. Crap.
"Please, Marga, I'm begging you to stop talking as if I and your sister are still together. In case na nakalimutan mo, ire-remind lang kita na your Ate was the one who ended our relationship years ago with no apparent reason. So, don't you dare speak to me, or to anyone close to me as if you're accusing us of anything unrightful," may diin na saad ni Rham ngunit napansin ko na kasabay nito ay niluluwagan nito ang kapit niya sa mga kubyertos indicating na he's calming down a little.
Hindi nagpatinag si Marga kahit na may tensyon na namumuo sa amin. "You are the reason why your relationship was ruined. I despise you so much for not treating my sister right. I despise you so much to the point I even wished that you two didn't meet because you know what? You ruined my sister's life. You're the reason of my sister's down---"
"Enough!"
Lahat kami ay napapitlag sa biglaang pagsigaw ni Rham. Huli na nang mapansin ko ang mga luha na pumapatak sa pisngi niya. Nanginginig din ang katawan nito, lalong-lalo na ang kamay nito. I can clearly see how a mess he is. I can finally see him through his facade.
I thought, doon na magtatapos ang maiinit at maaanghang na salitang binibitawan ni Margareth pero hindi.
"Why, Rhamsiz? Does truth really hurt? Well, kulang pa 'yan sa lahat ng paghihirap---"
"Stop! Please, stop... I can't anymore..."
Kaagad kong dinaluhan si Rham at pinakalma nang magsimula itong pumalahaw ng iyak at pinaghahampas ang sarili. He is undeniably strong pero sinubukan ko pa ring hawakan ang mga kamay niya para pigilan ito sa tangka nitong pananakit sa sarili.
"You know what? Let's stop this nonsense! Get out, Bitch!" Sigaw ni Kelly kasabay ng paglapit nito kay Margareth at kinaladkad ito papalabas. Sinubukan pang magpumiglas ni Marga pero sadyang nasagad na 'ata niya ang pasensya ni Kelly at wala na siyang laban dito dahil lumalabas na ang pagiging war freak nito.
"Ayoko na. Tama na! Wala akong ginawang masama. Maawa ka. Masakit dito," tila pagsusumamo nito habang nakaturo sa puso niya. "Dito,"dugtong niya habang nakaturo sa ulo niya.
Hindi ko na napigilan pa at namalayan ko na lang na umiiyak na rin ako habang yakap-yakap si Rham. He's been hurting for a long time na pala yet he still managed to help me during those times na I was so lost and could not get up. How did you manage to help me yet can't even help yourself? How selfless of you, Rham. You're selfless.
"Z. Rham. Oh my gosh."
Nilingon ko si Kelly at nakita ko itong nakatayo habang nakatingin sa amin ng may mga luhang nagbabadya nang tumulo mula sa mga mata niya. Before she could even cry, I already signalled her to come over. When she finally got close, she immediately fell into my arms and then broke down to tears.
So this is how having siblings feels like, it's therapeutic. I like it.
•••
"How are you?"
I stared at him for a few seconds before I released a sigh. "Still recovering from the pain you inflected. How about you? Are you happy with your life right now?" I tried not to sound bitter but then, as always, I failed.
Right now, we are in a cafe. He asked me to meet him here para "i-discuss" daw namin ang ganap na paghihiwalay namin. Hindi naman masyadong halata na atat na atat na sila ng kerida niyang magsama sa iisang bubong. Oh wait, kahit nga pala hindi pa kami hiwalay ay nagsasama na sila. So I'm guessing, para maging legal na ang "relationship" nila? How sweet naman of my ex-husband kung gano'n. Pwe!
"Come on, Izzy. Haven't you moved on yet? It's been what? Months?" He casually asked before sipping on his coffee. "Well, I can't blame you since I am pretty aware that it's hard 'cause it's already me that we're talking about pero learn to accept din sometimes and live to the present, my dear. In that way, the pain will lessen and will soon subside," he cockily added with an annoying smirk that is plastered on his face.
Right now, all I want to do is to ruin his face until I am satisfied. That way, the pain I'm feeling will surely lessen. Kung hindi pa kami naghiwalay ng gagong 'to, hindi ko malalaman 'tong side niya na 'to. Nakakasuka lang isipin na I used to be his wife and I used to believe that he is one faithful and great man, turns out, he's completely the opposite and that he is a jerk. Ang galing niya naman at napaglaruan niya ako while ang tanga ko naman at naniwala ako. Buhay nga naman.
I composed myself because I already promised that I will not let him win this stupid game again, his stupid game. I also managed to sip on my coffee before I rebutted. "Believe me, Kade, hindi na ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit nahihirapan akong mag-move-on, it's the memories na I cherished so much to the point na kahit wala na tayo, hindi ko magawang bitawan because I must admit, I was so happy back then. I cannot simply forget something na made me feel na life is worth living. Again, it's not you, Kade, it's the memories."
And with that, I left him.
When I got out from the cafe, the smiling faces of Rham and Kelly welcomed me. The two of them opened their arms, signalling for a group hug kaya naman kaagad akong lumapit sa mga ito at nang maramdaman ko ang yakap nila, I can't help but to cry.
I've been holding my tears since the moment I entered the cafe para lang ipakita kay Kade na I am already over him pero when I felt their embrace, it made me feel like I am safe with them, that it's okay to feel pain and get tired, that it's okay to be weak sometimes and lean to someone. I am beyond grateful for having them.
