Calla Lily

Boundaries ⚫️

  I watched her wince as she sat down in the wooden chair next to mine. I'd been working from home all week to take care of her. Francesca still came everyday something I think Calla was glad for so she wasn't alone with me all the time. I often sat outside to make phone calls and she joined usually wrapped in a blanket as it was now fall and the temperature had dropped.
  Francesca had already left for the day one of her grand pups had a doctors appointment that she was taking him so it was just Calla and I for dinner. I finished the phone call with Alpha Ashland soon after Calla sat down. There has been an increase in rogue wolves in his territory and I had sent warriors from my pack to help his. I'd also placed warriors at Calla's parents house to protect them since they live in that pack. They were family and I knew Calla would be devastated if they were injured especially on account of her.
  Calla had been more and more talkative as of late but still did keep her distance something I now understood. After what I did to her, I wouldn't be happy to talk to me either. "Azalea wanted to know if you wanted to go dress shopping at the end of the week? If you still wanted to go to the wedding." She looked uncertain. "What you said about boundaries," she began after a few moments of silence "I want to talk about that first." She said. I was wondering when she would bring this up. I'd suggested setting up boundaries with me and my wolf, and she seemed intimidated.
I'd decided, thanks to Francesca, to let her approach me about the subject. She scolded me about how I was royally fucking this whole thing up and I decided to take her advice for once and listen to Calla. "Okay." I said placing my phone down to give her my undivided attention. I could feel her anxiety and hear her racing heart, she was so nervous. "I want accountability. You can't just blame what you do on your wolf." She began. I nodded in understanding as she took a deep breath. "You have these instincts that I don't. Azalea, she explained the story of the first werewolf and she explained Aziel, how he challenged you." again she swallowed thickly "I'm afraid of your wolf." Her eyes flashed her vulnerability of admitting her fear of me, not that she had to I'd known that since she got here. "But thank you for protecting me."
  I was surprised she'd said that, but relieved. I'd have to thank Azalea for helping to explain my nature, for what we are and why I was so enraged at the Aziel talking to her. "I would never let anyone hurt you. I am so sorry that I did. I should have never said I was looking for another mate. I should never of slept with anyone else."
"Did you know it would hurt me?" She asked. The look on her face, her eyebrows pulled together not in anger but in hurt made me shift uncomfortably. "Yes." I answered honestly "I wanted to hurt you like how your rejection hurt me. I knew you would feel hurt through the bond, I didn't realize I would physically hurt you." I said truthfully "I'm sorry." I apologized again although I knew it wouldn't be enough. She stayed quiet and her gaze averted mine.
"I also want to apologize for taking you." She looked at me shocked. My wolf growled within me enraged for what I was saying, it was his right as her mate, but I thought about what Calla had said when she rejected me. She had a life, a family, future plans that did not include me. I robbed her of all of that. In reality I need her and she does not need me. "I know it's been hard for you, if I was in your place I would hate me too." A part of me wish she'd correct me and say she didn't hate me, although I couldn't be so foolish.
  "It's definitely not fair how the law is written." She said candidly. I choose not to comment as I did not know where I stood, I did understand her upset but also the instincts of wolves complicated things. That and the effect of the bond, if mates met and separated it would be painful for both. "The next full moon is tomorrow, which is why I wanted to talk to you now. I don't want to be touched like last full moon." She stated. "I understand. This touch helps to control my wolf. Is there any kind of touch that would be okay?" Her lips twitched downwards as she thought about what I had asked. "You can hold my hand." She finally answered. My wolf made it known that holding her hand would not cut it, but I pushed him back. Holding her hand would just have to do restarting this whole relationship to include trust will take time and this will be the first step.
"Okay that will be fine." I nodded. Calla look at me shocked as if expecting me to completely shut her down. "I want to see my parents more. I want my own phone to call them." I nodded again "That can be done." I agreed again. "And I want to go to college. I had plans to go to college in your territory. The college down in town, Crestview University." I frowned in thought. Sending her to university would make her vulnerable especially after the threats my brother made the last thing I want to do is leave Calla in a situation where she can be harmed. Not to mention the wolves in my pack, they all suspected I had met someone, I smelled of Calla often, and when I'd visited her in the hospital I'd heard of the whispers quickly shut down by Jaden and Azalea.
I was a bad mate, was that why I was afraid to let her go? For her to tell the pack how unhappy I've made her? Safety of course was my main concern, but I could not deny that I was also worried that word of how I treated her would spread. How self centered was I? Even thinking of myself when it should be her I was putting first. I did know one thing for certain us not being mated would cause unease within my pack and would without a doubt aim questions towards her, blaming her for my "lack of interest". This simply was not true, but from an outside perspective it could be taken as such.
  "I worry for your safety." I finally said after a long pause. Her eyes narrowed "It's because I'm not fit to be Luna." She stated. That was a conversation I'd had with Jaden, one I thought she did not hear. "No Calla." I sighed "I'm sorry you weren't meant to hear that." She scoffed "It doesn't change that is how you feel. It doesn't change that it's true." I did not like to hear her talk about herself so negatively. Somehow it made hearing what I said sound worse. "It's not true. I was just angry-" she cut me off "I just want to live my life how I want to live it!" She exclaimed.
  "Calla, you are the Luna of this pack. There will be certain expectations that the wolves will hold you to, they will wonder why we have not completed the mate bond and will not understand that because you are human you do not have the same drive to complete the bond or to become a half blood." At that her eyes widened. "A half blood, as in a wolf?" She asked sounding mortified. "Yes. It is a process that only Alphas can initiate. Did you learn about it in school?" I knew there was education on wolf customs but did not know how much was covered in these lessons.
  "No. It was whispered about, but never discussed in school. I guess I just didn't think it was real? Don't a lot of people die?" I could hear her heart rate increase "Some humans have died, getting a wolf can be a very taxing process however those were humans that had not yet completed the mate bond. A half blood is created only when a human and werewolf are mated. If the human wants a wolf, the mated pair then come to the alpha and ask for the process to be initiated. Before various laws were put in place to ban a human and a werewolf from mating. This was before the ceremony that all humans must attend when turning 20. Many met their mates through fate and although a human and wolf bond is rare even today many found their mates were humans. In order to complete the bond, the human must be turned into a half blood, however, many humans did die in the process without the strength of their mate. When a mate bond is completed, the two are tied together and draw strength from one another. During the process which is started by the bite of an alpha and the injection of venom the body goes through many stages and almost experiences fever like symptoms. If the two have bonded, the wolf of the bonded will help with the transition." Calla bit her lip in thought and although it distracted me, I fought to focus again this was an important topic. "What if I don't want to do that? Is that my ultimatum to go to college?" She asked her voice raising in anger.
  "No there is no ultimatum. I only tell you this to explain what a half blood is. If you go to college, many wolves will ask you about when you will be changed." Again she frowned "So I have to be changed?" She asked her gaze settling into a glare. I took a deep breath, did she have to be changed? No. Was it expected of her? Absolutely. Did I want her to be changed? Yes because it meant more time with her. "No you don't have to be changed. It will be expected of you, and there will be push back from the pack if you are not, but you do not have to become a half blood." It was strange, I did not think about this being a possibly topic of discussion and had half wished I could excuse myself from the situation to think but that is not a possibility. Calla deserved answers and denying her what she deserved to know would result in nothing.
  "You won't make me?" She asked surprised "No." I shook my head "Why not?" I swallowed thickly "Because I have made you do enough." At that her glare softened although her lips were still down turned. "Let me think about college. I want to talk to Jaden and some other advisors on safety. Due to Aziels threat against you, I want to see what can be done and how best to guarantee no one will be able to hurt you." She nodded although was not over joyed by that answer "If I can come up with a plan, a security detail I think can sufficiently protect you, I think it would be best to begin going out to town. The pack will swarm to you, and I believe it best if you were introduced to them by me. I can keep order and seeing you next to me will not only cement the fact that you are their Luna but that they must respect you." The down turn of her lips was replaced once again with an anxious look. "I'm sorry if this conversation did not get you the answers you wanted to hear, but what I said is the truth. You are a Luna now and I am sorry."
  "If you could choose to be alpha, would you have chosen to be one?" She asked. The question shocked me and sent my mind racing back to growing up with my brother of being brought up differently from him and the other pups. The day my brother challenged me to kill me to take my power. The only real friend I'd had was Jaden and he and Azalea were the only ones I could trust. Power changed people, it made them capable of awful things. "No I don't think I would've." I finally concluded. "Why?" Calla asked confused. "It is lonely." I finally said. She looked at me for a few long moments before she spoke. "I still want to go to the wedding." It was not what I was expecting her to say, but I nodded nonetheless "So I should tell Azalea yes for the end of the week?" She nodded. "In that case, perhaps we can go into town for breakfast tomorrow? To let the pack see you?" I asked her. She pursed her lips together "Is there anywhere that has good breakfast burritos?"