Calla Lily

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I watched Calla disappear through the shelves. I let her go knowing the store was small and that it was empty aside from the owner I've known for many years hidden in the back. I knew she would be safe. It was amazing to see her with the pack today. She would be a great Luna. It made me all the more regret what I'd done to her. Although her physical pain has subsided from the injury I caused, mentally it was still very prevalent. She would be a great Luna because she is a wonderful person who has dreams and aspirations that I ruined.
  Calla was professional as well as personal. It was a rare and sought after trait among leaders. She spoke with eloquence as well as kindness. We would be a good contrast to one another. Her care and ability to sense others feelings and mine the enforcer of order. Where people feared me they did not need to fear her.
    My wolf was just drinking up the view of her in the diner. The sunlight lit up her hazel eyes making the blue and green stand out as well as the brown golden specks that floated around the middle of her irises. She seemed almost overwhelmed as those eyes searched all around her. Both out of the window people watching and to the tables around us. I saw nothing but her.
    There were no threats among my pack expect for a scowling waitress which I put back in place. Calla was my Luna, her Luna, she needed to know that. Calla dealt with the situation much more eloquently and for that I couldn't be more proud. The murmurs around us after I declared to everyone what Calla was were soft, she could not hear although I could.
    A few raised the question of how that was possible since she was human, those that muttered that were silenced as I shot a glare over my shoulder. Others observed her beauty and seemed overjoyed in the fact that she was to help lead the pack. Now they would have someone else to bring their problems to, not just the big scary Alpha.
    I lingered upfront ignoring my wolf's protest, to give her a bit of space. When she had wandered out of sight I began to browse through the books as well. After Calla was released from the hospital, after what I did to her, I began to research human mates and their stories and what I was met with were horror stories. It made me understand why she was so afraid of me. Many mates that escaped were abused mentally and physically. Not only that, but many were marked against their will and forced to carry pups they were not ready for, that they did not want. What I did to her was akin to a story of a wolf's mate who cheated on her to the point that she almost died and the Alpha had to intervene. What protection did Calla have? The woman from that story had the Alpha to step in, but I am the Alpha. Who did Calla have to look toward for security?
I did see how she was angry, these mates, usually women although not always so, had no power. They could be dragged back to their abuser kicking and screaming and the laws did nothing to protect them. It made me angry, to think that wolves could do such things to their mates, that I could do that to my mate.
The more I read into the subject the more I realized my mistakes. I'd read many articles on human mates and how to make them feel comfortable as days of silence from Calla passed by. I was glad I did some research and listened to Francesca, if I hadn't, I would have ruined what little was left, if there was any left. The articles I read explained the grief she felt and made me see things from a different perspective. She'd told me before how I ruined her life, but I didn't want to see it that way. I couldn't see it that way because she made my life so much better. It wasn't until I read the thoughts that other humans had written down, that I realized she was not alone in feeling as she did.
So, since she got home from the hospital I wanted to talk through everything. I also tried to regulate my emotions because even though she has never mentioned it, I read that even as a human she could feel my emotions. That explained how she seemed to flip from one emotion to the next so frequently. One minute confident and bold and the other quiet and fearful. It was because she could feel my anger. It was a strange thing because I felt her emotions as well. Talking through boundaries seemed to make her relax around me a bit more, she was not so skittish and hyperaware. Although I knew I was still a long way from being trusted.
I walked down through the aisles and picked up a few classics I hadn't read in a long time which had since disappeared from my library shelves. That was the thing about being 132 years old, finding room for more books was a challenge. That was another thing I'd realized too, I was 132 and had lived long and done many things. Calla was basically a child by comparison. Not in a strange way, she was a young woman not a child, but just that: young. What she said was true, she hadn't got a chance to begin a life yet.
    I don't even think she'd ever been in a relationship. I'd had several, although never anything very serious, but I'd slept with many people over the years especially when my family had first left. I needed to feel something, to be close to someone. I believe that was why I turned to Charlotte however inexcusable that was. Although the relationship was not meaningful, we knew how to entertain each other and make us forget what was happening in our lives.
Calla was afraid of intimacy, I knew that from the first day she was at my house hidden behind my desk. I now understood after the stories I had read. I was ignorant and that fact angered me to no end. I wouldn't do that to her ever, I wouldn't put her through that.
    I rounded the corner of the store and walked to the smaller back room where I saw Calla seated in an arm chair engrossed in a book. She had her legs crossed and was nestled back into the cushions. I studied her, watching the small mannerisms she subconsciously did as she read. She bit at her bottom lip a few times in thought and tapped her foot. Her big sweater enveloped her in warmth and her jacket laid on her legs like a blanket. I took a few steps into the room and caught her attention.
     She looked up to see who was approaching her and held my gaze as I moved closer "Do you mind if I join you?" I asked. She shook her head no "That's fine." She said watching me sit cautiously. "What have you picked out?" I asked "A few hiking books, and a collection of Emily Dickinson poems." She answered.
      "Emily Dickinson. I think I might have read her in elementary school." I pondered "Can you remember back that far?" She asked looking back down at her book before realizing what she said. She looked up at me in horror only to find a smirk glued onto my face. "It was quiet a long time ago, but yes I can." I answered. When she saw the amusement on my face her brow furrowed. "If you are finished picking out books we can leave. I am sorry to keep you waiting." I said.
    Calla looked at me confused "Oh I wasn't waiting. You don't ever read a bit of any of the books you buy?" I shrugged "When I return home I do." I said. "But what if you don't like one of them?" She asked. I shrugged "Then I get rid of it. Give it to the public library." I said. "I always read the first chapter or at least the first few pages. Books are expensive I've got to be sure I'm going to read them." I suddenly understood, she worried about money. Or at least she had to worry, not anymore. "Please, get whatever looks interesting to you. You don't have to worry about money what's mine is yours." I told her. Her eyes narrowed but she nodded "Okay. Then I'll get these, if that's okay?" She asked gesturing to the small pile of books she accumulated.
"That's fine." I nodded. She was going to have to get used to me spoiling her. She deserved it especially after what I put her through. She rose, the small stack hugged to her chest. We walked to the front of the store where the shops owner greeted us. "Hello Alpha it is always a pleasure to see you!" He then turned to Calla "Hello Miss, how are you?" He asked her. Her lips upturned although it could not quite be classified as a true smile "I'm good how are you?" She asked politely.
    She didn't correct him with her title, something I figured as such. She wasn't comfortable with that yet which is fine. The cafe proved she was more than capable to fulfill the role of Luna. "Andrew, this is Calla, my mate." The shop keeper who I'd given my business to for many years smiled widely and then bowed his head. "It is such a pleasure to meet you Luna!" Calla shifted uncomfortably although it went unnoticed by the shop owner. "It's nice to meet you Andrew." She said extending a hand to him. His eyes went to me immediately surprise capturing his features as she offered her small hand to him.
It was almost unheard of for a Luna to make physical contact with grown males of the pack. Women and children sure, but not other males due to the possession of the Alpha. That was why Andrew's eyes shot to me not wanting to be on the receiving end of a beating my wolf was currently pushing me to dish out. I gave a small incline of my head, to deny him would upset Calla. Something as small as that made me realize the big picture, as of the mating laws, I was in charge of her entire life. Even a handshake was monitored by me. Her experience so far would be like moving to a strange land that spoke another language unable to return home.
"It's so nice to meet you." Andrew said sincerely. As their hands disconnected Andrew rung up the books and pulled out a box "Your other books have arrived Alpha." I nodded "Good, thank you." I said stepping up to pay. I'd ordered a few books on human customs and beliefs to better educate myself I'm sure that order seemed strange to Andrew until this moment. Andrew looked to Calla and then to me before sliding the box of books over to me "Alpha." Andrew bowed his head "Thank you." I said grabbing the box of books and Callas books. We headed out of the shop and made our way back to the car. "Is there anything else you would like to do?" I asked her. "Is there a record shop?" She asked curiously. "Yes right down the street, just let me put these in the car and we'll head down." I said. I was excited she seemed to be enjoying this outing, she'd seemed more animated than she had since she arrived here although I'd yet to see a true smile or hear a laugh. That would take time.