Calla Lily

Full Moon ⚪️

Hey readers!
As a disclaimer, I want to state that there are some unhealthy power dynamics and internal dialogue highlighted throughout this chapter as well as some unwanted touching/advances that might be triggering to some readers. This has been happening throughout the book however, I feel like this chapter takes it a step further. As most everyone has probably already concluded, the power dynamic between Calla and Sorren is NOT healthy.
No one should have to fear for their safety when they are with their partner. If you have someone in your life that makes you feel unsafe/trapped please reach out to family, friends, or resources available in your area and know that you are not alone!
I just wanted to reiterate that, because although this is a work of fiction with fictional creatures (i.e. werewolves) fantasy in someways often mirrors reality. I hope everyone enjoys this chapter.
~Rosemary

Baking with Sorren was much less enjoyable than with Francesca. No music or loose conversation, only dread for what lie ahead of me. Jaden had explained to me some of the instincts that pushed Sorren to have hair triggered emotions but it did little to assuage my fears. Now knowing that he was constantly fighting himself to have sex and mark me, terrified me. I'd suspected there was this instinct before from the horror stories told about young girls and wolves, but having it confirmed by a wolf himself was unsettling.
Not only that, there are good and bad moments sprinkled throughout everyday but the comments about the constant internal battle he was having to control his wolf was terrifying. I now feared that because the full moon was here, he would stop fighting and give into his instincts. He would do whatever he wanted with me and blame it on his wolf, like his wolf and him are separate and he is not responsible for both of their actions. Without accountability, one could reason that they could do whatever they wanted with no consequence. The consequences here? Only my mental health and well being. The power dynamic in this situation was so skewed it really didn't seem fair. Whatever god, goddess or perhaps god with a capital "G" decided this to be my fate, is a cruel being.
We'd finished baking the cookies almost in complete silence as I mulled over my anxiety in my head and then I was ordered to go shower now or else I'd miss my chance for the night. Sorren didn't want an image of me naked in the shower to convey to his wolf and I agreed with him.
So, I took the worlds quickest shower to rinse off the rest of the flour and dressed in a large sweatshirt and sweatpants to keep me warm because I felt like this was going to be a long stressful night. I walked downstairs the usual comforting smell of baked cookies doing nothing to assuage my appetite.
Sorren sat on the couch he'd changed out of his dress clothes while I was in the shower into something more comfortable. Black joggers and a large sweatshirt. He took in what I was wearing before standing and removing his sweatshirt "Go put this on." I frowned "But you didn't shower and I just di-" my voice caught in my throat at the pointed look he gave me. The light outside was almost nonexistent meaning the full moon was high in the sky. I took the sweatshirt and made my way back up to the bedroom to change in privacy.
The sweater smelled like musk, cinnamon, and some kind of shaving cream? After shave maybe? I'd never noticed that he smelled like this but it smelled good. I made my way downstairs pushing that piece of information to the back of my mind and saw that Sorren repositioned himself back on the couch in the corner that I normally sat in.
I went to sit at his end but he stopped me. "I need you to sit with me." He said placing an arm up onto the back of the couch. What he said earlier played over in my mind 'do not challenge me'. A translation to what this actually meant 'don't act on your free will'. I walked over to the other side of the couch and sat down slowly a few inches from him. He seemed satisfied with that as we both looked to the tv which was playing a movie I didn't know the name of and to be honest I didn't care. My eyes were trained on the tv but all I could focus on was the beast beside me who sat tense.
We'd almost gotten through the entirety of the movie without incident until Sorren shifted beside me a deep exhale escaping him. "Calla, I am going to move you closer to me ." It wasn't a question but rather a statement and I became ridged as he acted upon what he said instantaneously. His arm came down from the back in the couch onto my shoulders and I was pulled into his side.
I didn't dare look over at him and decided to keep my interior panic to myself. That was all fine until it wasn't. Sorren let out an actual growl and his grip on me tightened. "Get on my lap." My breathing deepened and I turned to look at him finding red eyes staring back at me intently. "Sorren-" another growl "Now." I turned to push myself onto his lap but he had other plans.
Grabbing onto my leg, he somehow managed to pull me into straddling his lap. I now had nowhere to look but him. His hands settled onto my waist firmly holding me to him effectively trapping me. My hazel eyes were wide with fear because I lacked the strength to get away from him. He had me where he wanted me and I had no say in what was about to happen.
The night behind the desk came to mind again, how tender he had been. If I cried now, would he talk to me softly and hold my shaking hands? Try to convince me and himself that he had control? It seemed like there was some kind if internal monologue or argument he was having with himself as I sat there my gaze in his. After a long few moments I dropped my gaze at the intenseness of his stare. Suddenly I was being pulled to his chest. Out of instinct my hands came up between us so as to brace myself against his warm chest. The heat was radiating off of him in waves it felt like he was burning up.
I tried to push away but I was held in place "Don't move." Sorren's hot breath fanned my ear as he moved close to my neck. I bit my lip to keep from protesting as his nose ran the length of my neck his cheek brushing against the soft skin there. He was breathing hard, panting almost the sound of his ragged breaths were all that I could hear. Jaden said normally wolves marked their mate on the left side of the neck, which he was currently smelling.
This went on for a few minutes and then I felt his lips ghost the skin right above my collar bone and shivered involuntarily. Goosebumps rose on my skin from the sensation confusing and scaring me all the more. If he was human and the possibility of him marking me was nonexistent, I would be very turned on right now. However, all it took in this moment was for him to decide to bite me. I had no chance of escape and that feeling of helplessness is perhaps the worst feeling of all. I'm not sure how long I sat there enduring the way his lips traced my skin before I finally freaked out. I felt his teeth at a spot on my neck that caused me to cry out in an almost pleasurable way when I'd decided I couldn't take it any longer. "No!" I pushed at his chest and he growled loudly, the sound vibrated through his whole body.
"Sit still." He ordered. "I don't want you to mark me!" I argued continuing to push at him until finally the voice that spoke was not his own, it was deeper, firmer. "Enough!" The sheer power of it was crushing and tears quickly formed weighing heavily in my eyes.
I felt emotions swirl within me and a pain which settled into my chest after the strange voice emitted from Sorren. I began to sob surprising myself but I could do nothing to stop them. The sobs that escaped me were guttural, I sounded more like a wounded animal than a human. Perhaps I was a beast like him? If only to level the playing field. Then I could potentially gain the upper hand, but now it was hopeless.
My head was bowed and my hands remained fixed where they were on his chest. I felt incredibly stressed and anxious in this moment but I didn't know how to stop it. Sorren placed a finger under my chin and tipped my head up to look at him. His lips were moving but I couldn't make out what he said at first. "Deep breaths." I finally heard. "Nice deep breaths." I tried again to look away from him but he denied me softly this time "No, look at me." I did, my tears still flowing. "Good girl." He praised me wiping at my cheeks. I noticed his eyes were brown again.
"You're okay." He continued on to say calming me down substantially. The feeling in my chest subsided almost like it was switched off and the all consuming emotions suddenly dissipated. My tears stopped falling and I removed my hands from his chest to wipe at my cheeks. I sniffled softly shifting uncomfortably at the position I was still sitting in.
"Your voice." I stated it was different almost as if it hit me physically in the chest "I know. My wolf was angered." He said truthfully. "I am so sorry." He said. "That tone is called the Alpha tone. It is used to keep order in the pack. I did not intend to use it on you. It will never happen again." I bit at my lips something Sorren noticed as I took in what he said but I had no response.
"I am sorry about my teeth nicking you. I shouldn't of been so careless." He apologized. "I-" I swallowed thickly "Go ahead." He said encouraging me to speak "Is this going to happen every month?" Sorren nodded "Yes." I let out a ragged breath and held back a cry at that fact. Once a month I'd have to deal with this.
  "Once some of the mating acts have been preformed it will be easier." I frowned as he said that. "That won't happen." I shook my head. We sat in silence for a few moments. I leaned forward and placed my head onto his chest and we sat there like that for a long time until he spoke. "It's late. Let's go to bed." Sorren moved to stand with me still in his arms.
  My legs wrapped around his waist and his hands moved to support me under my thighs. He moved as if I weighed nothing and if he wasn't this terrifying wolf perhaps I'd be turned on by that fact. That feeling seemed to be a common theme tonight, but he is a wolf and I could do nothing to change that just as he could do nothing to change me. Sorren turned the lights off and made his way upstairs. He sat me down on the bed and moved to the bathroom to get ready for bed. I got under the covers quickly as he re-emerged from the bathroom. "Calla, I need to sleep in bed with you." Sorren said.
I assumed that arguing would get me no where and decided to instead act strategically hugging a pillow to my chest. "Stay on your side." I said. Sorren climbed into bed and put a hand on mine which was laying on top of the pillow I put between us. "I'd rather you hug me instead of a pillow." He said. I closed my eyes tightly pretending to not hear him. That didn't last long, the pillow was being removed from my tight grip moments later.
  "Come on." He threw the pillow on the floor and pulled up the covers by him as an invitation"I'll keep you warm." He bargained. I didn't see my refusal of his offer going well for me so I made my way to him slowly and snuggled into his side. I put my head on his chest but kept my arms bulled up between me and him. I didn't want to drape an arm across his stomach like one normally does when cuddling with a partner. I wanted him to know how uncomfortable I felt and how unwilling I was to sleep beside him.
I laid awake for a long time unable to go to sleep, but at some point I must've because I began to dream about home. Gone were the wolves and the full moons, I was back to a time where my biggest worry was the next mountain I was going to climb.