𓈊 Petal's Diary

Entry #19

TWs for manipulation, physical abuse, and implied sexual abuse. Stay safe, my loves <33

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i was in a lot of trouble with zach when i got to his place. first of all, for not letting him know where i went, (i still feel bad for scaring him). but secondly, for "cheating."

"i can't believe you would do that to me," he'd said, his eyes watering. "i've been nothing but good to you, and you're hanging out with other guys?"

i shook my head, trying my hardest not to cry. "we didn't do anything, i swear," i pleaded. "he only paid for my-" i was cut off when he hit me on the head, and the first tear fell down my cheek.

"and now you're talking back to me," he sighed disappointedly, then cupped my face in his hands. "he's a bad influence on you. i'm only doing this for your own good, you know that, right?"

sniffling, i nodded.

he smiled softly at me and kissed my cheek. "good. now give me your phone," he ordered. "i'm blocking that twink."

i wanted to protest- i wish i said no- but i had convinced myself that it really was for my own good. i didn't want to cheat. just the thought of it felt awful. so i figured that cutting jimmy off might've been good for me. it was less distracting and it made me feel better about my relationship with zach. maybe he would stop being so mean.

i gave him my phone and he opened snapchat to text jimmy. i watched as he typed.

hey, jimmy. hanging out with you today was fun but i dont think we should see each other outside of school anymore. youre a bad influence, and i have a reputation to keep. im sorry.

i couldn't help the tears flooding my eyes as i read the message, repeating to myself in my head that it was good for me, that it was for the best. but it was hard to convince myself of that when zach unfriended jimmy and blocked him.

"there," zach said, then handed me my phone back. "now you have nothing to worry about, my love." he kissed my forehead. "however, i expect you to make up for this."

i looked up at him, knowing exactly what he meant. "zach, please, i'm tired-"

"and i'm tired of your bullshit," he snapped. "you've left and gone to sleep somewhere else just to avoid me, you're always complaining about me, and now you've cheated on me. you owe me this."

i nodded hesitantly. "right..."

"besides," he said, "it might teach you a lesson to not treat me so shitty anymore. i'm your boyfriend, you need to fucking respect me."

i wanted to scream when he said that. why should i respect him when he treated me worse than i ever thought of treating him?

but then again, i was an idiot then. i thought everything he did was for my own good. that it was important for me to "learn my lesson."

i was so stupid.