Entry #12

379 21 33
                                    

TW for abuse

*  *  *

i don't remember when i actually got mean. maybe i got fed up with everything. maybe i was just mad at myself.

at some point i started bullying people like zach and joey did. telling kids who were probably already suicidal to kill themselves, making fun of people who were bigger than me, back talking to teachers. but there was only one time i ever laid my hands on someone.

being friends with fwhip was a package deal to being friends with gem, fwhip's sister, and sausage, his boyfriend. i was hanging out with gem at the arcade, acting like how i always did around her. i was never mean to her. how could i be? she was the sweetest person i've ever met. well, aside from jimmy i suppose but i didn't meet him yet.

"ha, i beat you!" she bragged after winning a match of dance dance revolution. we were both out of breath and sweating.

i rolled my eyes playfully and nudged her. "no need to boast," i said. "i'll beat you next time."

"i'd like to see you try," she teased.

we played again, and i lost. then i lost again. and again.

after the third time, i got angry enough to kick the game machine.

gem gasped. "scott!" she said staring at me in shock. "don't break the game just because you lost. here, i'll get you some consolation ice cream."

i turned to glare at her, and she backed up a little. "i don't want your pity," i snapped, and turned around to leave.

"wait, scott!" gem followed after me as i left the building, trying to stop me. she grabbed me when we got outside. "hey, are you okay? why are you so up-"

before i realized what was happening, my hand had already collided with her cheek. we both froze, standing silently outside the arcade. i looked down at my hand and pent-up anger ran through me. there was something that was so satisfying about hitting someone when i was angry, so i hit her again. and again. i didn't want to hurt her. it was just... relieving, i guess.

but the way she just stood there and took it made me even angrier. i started to scream at her and hit her as hard as i possibly could. i was crying before i could stop myself.

by the time i'd worn myself out, she was curled up on the ground and probably unconscious. it was too dark to tell if she was bleeding or not, but i never doubted that she was.

i ran away when i heard fwhip's voice. he was probably there to pick gem up and bring her home.

fwhip started to actually hate me after that, despite gem always telling him she was fine.

 𓈊 Petal's DiaryWhere stories live. Discover now