TW: suicidal ideation
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Jimmy's dad took me to the hospital to get mt shoulder checked out, and it turned out to be dislocated and fractured. how fucking lucky.
the doctor said he couldn't do anything about it because both of the injuries made it impossible to fix the other since i flinched hard whenever my shoulder was touched. so he put me in a sling.
but when he took x-rays, he noticed other injuries on my back and took some pictures of my spine. turns out that years of being physically abused caused bone bruises, or... contusions, i think it was? they were pretty much just permanent bruises on my spine, my skull, and my ribs.
but god, it was so embarrassing.
and! i couldn't play fooball. for the entire season.
i wanted to kill myself. but i wanted to even more because of the fact that that was the first thought i had when he said i couldn't play football. how stupid was it to want to resort to suicide over football?
when we got back to Jimmy's house, i had an entire meltdown over a shirt. a shirt. the night could not get more embarrassing. oh, except Jimmy saw me with a hoodie only half-on, so he saw my stomach. it was so embarrassing. he probably thought i was a fatass.
when i took a moment to reevaluate how i felt, i realised that i had totally relapsed.
ouch.
i started crying again when i realised it. i hated myself for it. i thought i was doing better, i thought i was finally happy. but nooo, i can't have anything. i can't even have a damn hoodie on.
i don't know why i was so upset with Jimmy afterwards. i knew it wasn't his fault that my shoulder was hurt, he was only trying to help. but every time i talked to him i felt angry and for some reason, i wanted him to know it.
so i... kind of acted like a jerk to him. and we fought a lot.
and i hated myself for it.
but i hated myself anyway, so what's the difference?
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𓈊 Petal's Diary
Fiksi Penggemar*COMPLETED* An insider into APBAON!Scott's mind and his side of the story. Please read A Poppy By Any Other Name first before reading this. *** Lowercases are intentional! *** This work belongs to me, @bumblvee, and only me. I reserve the right to...
