𓈊 Petal's Diary

Entry #22

i caved just as quickly as i convinced myself to get over jimmy, and unblocked him a week later to apologise and invite him to lunch to talk.

it was hella risky considering zach would've beat my ass if he found out, but i didn't really care that much. i couldn't stand how jimmy acted in class and drama club. the way he struggled to avoid me.

"hey, jimmy!" i waved him over.

"hi," jimmy said as he sat down. he sounded nervous. "how are you?"

i tried smiling a bit to make the mood lighter. "i'm... well," i lied. "you?"

"i'm alright," he said awkwardly.

we sat in an uncomfortable silence for a moment, before both speaking at the same time.

i sighed and shifted in my seat. "jimmy, i... i really need to talk to you. about us." i took a deep breath. "it was a lie when za- i said i don't want to hang out with you anymore." i held jimmy's hands tightly in my own and leaned forward as i said, "i want to spend time with you and get to know you, more than you know, i just-" i paused. i like him, i thought suddenly. i really, really like him. "i don't know how," i sighed. "there's so much happening, and i'm an awful person for wanting this so badly," i mumbled.

"what do you mean, you're an awful person?" he asked me.

i looked up at jimmy through wet eyelashes, but i didn't say anything.

"scott?"

"I'm an awful person for wanting you," i admitted. "i want to be with you, so badly. you have no idea how much just the thought of you makes me smile." i sat upright and wiped at my eyes. "i can't even be with you. i'm not even allowed to be here right now, and- and i'm a terrible boyfriend to zach, and a horrible friend to you 'cause i've said so many awful things about you, and i am so sorry. i promise that I never meant any of it-"

"it's fine," jimmy interrupted. "i think i understand your situation.'

"what?"