𓈊 Petal's Diary

Entry #5

TW for mention of devil's tango

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having a boyfriend who was popular throughout the entire school on top of being popular within the freshman class was... hectic. everyone would say hi to us in the halls, and despite being used to that kind of popularity, it was strange.

what was even weirder was everybody was telling me happy birthday.

i remember struggling with opening my locker - the dumb thing never opened the first time - when i was picked up from behind and spun around. i knew it was zach, but i still squealed when he picked me up.

"happy birthday," he laughed into my ear when he put me down. he handed me a small box of chocolates.

i gasped, taking them and turning to him. "for me?" i asked, even though it was obvious who they were for. "thank you so much." i hugged them tightly to my chest as if they would disappear the moment i let go.

zach smiled at me then kissed my forehead. "of course, cupcake," he said. he started calling me 'cupcake' because my white hair "looked like frosting." i didn't really understand it, but it was cute and i liked it. "and i have an extra special surprise for later." he winked at me.

"ooh, what is it?" i asked eagerly.

"well it wouldn't be a surprise if i told you, now would it?" he teased, messing with my hair. "don't worry, i know you'll love it."

i didn't. well, i did like it. but i hate it now.

i went to his house after school because that's where the "surprise" was. i had asked what it was when we got into his room and he practically slammed me against the wall, kissing me.

"is this okay?" he asked gently when he pulled away.

my head hurt a bit from when he pushed me against the wall, but i nodded anyway. who was i to say no?

"are you sure?" he tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. "i was thinking we could... you know..." he nodded toward his bed, and it took me a moment to realize what he meant.

"oh." i thought for a moment, back to when father made me watch lauren and her boyfriend. "i don't..." i started to shake my head, but zach put his hand on my cheek.

he gave me a soft, comforting smile. "hey, it's your decision," he told me. "if you don't want to, we won't." he took my hand in his and laced our fingers together. "but," he continued, "i could change your mind. you'll like it, i promise."

thinking back on it, it was almost like there was some kind of underlying message behind his words, like he was telling me one thing and meaning another. like he was really saying, "i know you don't want to, but i'm going to keep insisting until you say yes." but i didn't realize that then.

i didn't know what to do. he was telling me that i could say no, but... "promise it won't hurt?" i asked. i hated how small my voice sounded.

"promise."

that was all the convincing i needed.

as soon as i said yes, my clothes were thrown on the floor and we were lost in pure ecstasy.

i wish i never said yes.