𓈊 Petal's Diary

Entry #6

TW for fat shaming

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pearl never really liked zach to begin with, so she wasn't happy at all when she found out we were dating. she spent a while trying to convince me to break up with him, saying we had too much of an age gap. i didn't understand what that meant at the time, being completely head over heals for him.

i know what she meant now.

"blueberry pancakes with bacon," pearl said, setting a fantastic smelling plate in front of me, "and banana fudge crepes with toast." she put the plate of crepes down before zach, glaring at him for half a second. "enjoy." she turned and walked away, the skirt of her uniform twirling with her.

zach stared at me while i spread butter on my pancakes. "are you really going to eat all that?" he asked. he sounded disgusted, almost angry.

i paused as i reached for the syrup. "what do you mean?" it didn't look like a lot, only two pancakes and three slices of bacon. and even though i had a milkshake beforehand, it was pretty small. "i'm sure i have enough appetite left to-"

"god, cupcake," zach interrupted, startling me with his agressive tone. "don't be fucking fat."

i blinked. what about eating breakfast made me fat? "it's not that mu- hey!" i frowned as zach stole one of my pancakes and put it on his plate. "that's my food!"

"do you want to be fat?"

"what's wrong with being bigger?"

zach sighed. "babe, fat people are unattractive," he explained slowly, though i still wasn't getting it. "fat" people were pretty, too. "and i'm not dating someone who's bigger than a size medium, got it?"

slumping in my seat, i nodded. it was weird. he'd never said anything like that before, and it wasn't the first time i ordered pancakes at the diner. it confused me, but it upset me more than anything. i've always thought that bigger people were beautiful, and sometimes more beautiful than skinnier people. and i never thought i was fat. if anything, i was probably underweight at the time.

"come on, now," zach said, reached over the table to my hand in his. "i'm sorry, i'm just worried for your health. you always eat a lot whenever we go out, and i don't want you to be overweight and get sick."

i remember thinking that he was right for that. right for forcing me to eat less and less because he was "worried about me getting sick." thinking back on it, it was really stupid. i was really stupid.

"you believe me, don't you?"

i had nodded, smiling at him. "i believe you," i said, meaning it with my full heart. "but it's okay, really. i can stomach two pancakes."

i ended up only eating half of one.