Sad Peter parker

Twenty-four

I woke up in the medical bay fuck I failed at killing myself for the second time I'm can't even kill myself right what can I do then?

Nothing
You're not free
I will hunt you forever
You can't escape me
You should know that by now

I wanted the voice to stop but it didn't  it never did the voice was always there but sometimes I could ignore it but it's always there and I don't have the strength to fight the voice anymore

"Peter you awake" Bucky said

"I'm sorry uncle Bucky he just didn't go away" I cried 

"don't be sorry just tell when you thinking about it again just don't do this you scared all of us"

"I'm sorry" I didn't thought about the others I'm stupid killing myself would be selfish I don't want them to be sad about me because i'm dead

„Don't apologize you have nothing to apologize маленький паук you don't need to be sorry" aunt Nat said who was sitting on the other side of the room  just as she finished her scentence dad walked in

„I'm sorry" I said

"no I am sorry  I didn't see how you felt I wish. I could help you that you don't see him anymore or hear his voice I wish I could make him disappear from your mind" he said

"you can't dad only I can do it I have to fight it alone no one can help me with it other than myself" I said

"i hate to see you like this" he said

I should talk to him they all in danger because of me flash dad will kill them all and it's just my fucking fault because I didn't keep my fucking mouth shout stupid stupid stupid me.

„Dad? Uh flash dad mr Thompson I saw him-„

Dad interrupted me „what did he do you? I'm gonna kill him!"

„He uh  threw me at a brick wall and said he will kill everyone I ever cared about you're all in danger because of me sorry if I just didn't would have said anything that flash did to me you're all wouldn't be in danger I'm so stupid I'm so sorry!" I cried putting my head in my hands.
aunt Nat came to hug me „when someone in danger then it is this asshole I will kill him like I killed his son he won't ever hurt you again I  make sure of that!" aunt Nat said and kissed my forehead

„Natasha, Bucky come here we have a asshole to kill again..." das turned to face me „Kid you're friends want to see you you okay with that?" dad asked

I don't want them to see me like this but they did see me once like this so

"It's okay they can come in" I said dad and the other two left and let my friends in my room

"Peter..." harry sat down and hold my hand

"I'm sorry but it's all to much Harry"

"what do you mean?" He asked

"just the hallucinations of flash and the voices of him in my head and then the flashbacks too...I wish it would stop"

„I wish I could kill that flash in your head and the hallucination of him and torture him and watching him suffer while killing him slowly" Gwen said

"oh... I'm sorry I wish I could make you forget he ever existed" harry said

„Peter.... You won't have to do it alone not again let us help us" mj said

"but you can't help me it's my fight I see him not you all"

"but-" harry pointed at my wrist "that you don't have to fight alone we help you" he said

I mean I don't want them to worry about me

"I just need to be alone" I said

„Okay...before I forgot dr Stange found a way to bring us back he don't want to bring the others back I'm sorry we be leaving but first we make sure you are doing better we talk when it's the time to leave for Gwen and me" Harry said

„We be here until then like in the tower I mean" Gwen said

„I be there too" mj added

I nodded at them then they left me alone

So they will be leaving soon yay two friends of mine will be gone and I never see them again well there's just a very very very 000000000000000000,1% I could see them again and that's not a lot.

Bruce came in and told me someone has to watch after me for 48 hours so I don't try killing myself again

"which do you want to stay here?" he asked

I thought for a while

Harry? no he has his own life and problems I don't want him to miss college because of me.

Gwen? No she won't be for long. And she has also has colleges

Mj? No I don't want her see me like this for 48 hours straight but I should talk to her I don't think we really broke up I just thought she forgot me wait...did I nearly cheat on her with harry? Nah ....oh wait we broke up because I forgot the reason.

Dad? No he is to worried he too is busy I don't want to see his worried look for 48 hours straight that would remember that I made him feel like that I'm the reason he is sad.

Aunt Nat? She just came back to live I'm sure she has something's to figure out herself.

Uncle Steve? Hell no no swearing? For 48 hours? Nah

Mom? She has to make sure Harvey won't blow up the building again

Harvey? Nope he will probably blow the medical bay up or draw me a beard in my sleep that happend once now I sleep in fear everynight that he might do that again.

Uncle Bucky? Yeah I think Bucky he was there for me like no one else was he don't look at me worried or sad all the time he threats me normal it will be fun with him I make him like maze runner like I did it with Star Wars

„Bucky I want Bucky to be here" I said Bruce nodded and left

I messed up I'm so selfish for trying to kill myself i can't let them alone I can't leave Gwen,Harry,dad,mom,Harvey,uncle Bucky,mj,Bruce and all the others alone they did so much for me and I thank them like this I don't deserve them flash was right I'm a disappointment and the back scar will always remember me at that I'm weak the scar on my arm will remember me at that too.
I didn't think how they would feel when I'm gone but i just couldn't live anymore but I'm still alive

Mr Thompson was right I should have kept my mouth shout then they wouldn't be in danger fuck I'm stupid  fucking stupid

I didn't see flash today. Maybe he is gone forever but I don't believe that he will come back he always does it's just a matter of time when he does.