Sad Peter parker

Twenty eight

Triggerwaring: eating disorder, mention of calories

After I saw flash again it got worse. Everything just fucking sucked and felt terrible. It made me want to fucking die but I won't let this son of a bitch win. Also I would miss my friend and family and tv shows That's my big three wills to keep living and to not kill myself.

Bucky stayed with me while eating and the 30 minutes I had to stay so I don't throw up

I wish I was normal and didn't bother anyone with my problems at least I have Spider-Man...oh right I don't have that anymore either since I'm not allowed to get on patrol again because last time I did I got stabbed  and had a badly injure after it. The  News belive that I'm dead again. I just have my problems and family,Mj,Gwen and Harry that's a lot actually but I think I bother them maybe they don't like me and just pretend they do or maybe I'm just stupid to think that.

It was lunch time Bucky handed me a plate on it was a Taco I love Tacos but I didn't saw the Taco anymore I just saw the Calories this time it were 226 calories this was just too much for me  i couldn't eat so much  I just starred at it I do wanted to eat it but I just couldn't I tried to force myself but I just couldn't something stops me from doing so,stops me from eating.I don't want to feel the guilt after eating and when I don't eat I won't have it.I can't do this anymore

"Peter are you okay?" Bucky asked looking at me concerned

I stayed silent

"do you want that I get you something else?"

"Yeah please? But you're not mad right? And sam and Steve won't be mad either? because they put afford in it and now I don't eat it" I mumbled

Steve and Sam made tacos because Bucky said they have get along with each other since their buckys ex boyfriend and husband. I could hear it at first it didn't went well but after a few minutes it were silent and I take that as their figured it out and are now friends.

"Peter... they won't be mad they just wants you to get better like I do you're not disappointing  me okay? You did great the last week with eating and not throwing up and what  you have now it's part of recovery there will be good days but there will also bad days like today I'm proud of you we're all proud of you,you want to get better" he said and hugged me

"thanks uncle Bucky" I returned the hug and I let go after a few secounds

"so do you want something else" he asked

I nodded

"i be right back and get you something"

"tell them I'm sorry"

"They will unterstand Peter don't worry we all just want you get better" he left the room

Bucky came back with an apple  52 calories I thought  I could do that it isn't much but then again  flash voice appeared

Don't eat that
You shouldn't
I mean look at you!
You don't derserve to eat
Just look at you!

He was right I shouldn't eat that I don't derserve it but I try to fight it

Bucky handed me the apple I toke it and forced myself to eat it the guilt came but I ignore it after 5 bites I cried

"when you can't eat anymore it's okay at least you ate something" Bucky said

"no I wanna fight this son of a bitch" I said and ate the whole apple the guilt was there but this time I could ignore it

"you did great you getting better I'm so proud of you" Bucky nearly cried happy tears

I could fight the guilt I could do it I mean I just did I just have to do it every time I eat maybe I could fight flash voice in my head too and maybe I could make  flash disappear when I just fight it maybe I can fight it all. Maybe I'm not weak and am not a disappointment lie flash always told me.

Maybe I can get better after all.