The stupid life I have

energie

They say energy comes from within. They say that whenever you enter a room, the energy that sourrounds you is let into the room.
They also say that your energy comes of to people and they take in some of which.

I don't wnat people to take any of my energy.
Not because I'm selfish and think that it is only meant for me, not even necessarily because I don't have so much to give.

I don't want people taking any of it, because the energy that I have is just a tad bit to dark.

A friend of mine always says that me and her are like a black cat and a golden retriever.
And I see that.

I see her dark, almost blackish hair that she isn't allowed to dye fully black but kind of wants it to be but at the same time sticks with her almost black dye.
I see her slim body, her oh so gorgeous face, her smile that is as beautiful as can be and her eyes that sparkle in light green when the sun hits them just before sunset. And although she might have that black cat energy, it is a pure and lovely one. That kind of cat you would like to cuddle and keep forever.

And I see the golden retriever in me. I see my blond hair that has never been dyed. I see the brown strands that slowly take over the light hair so that my head now looks towned down and kind of dirty. I see my face, how it is round with the puffed cheeks and the eyebrows I was just rebellious enough to cut a slit into. And I see my eyes as well, see the green that they show. But it's not as shiny as hers, it's kind of muddy and dark just like the forests ground on a rainy day.

I guess I see the energy that I give of, golden, happy, sunshine energy. But what remains, is a dark fucking hole, filled with all sorts of shadows and creatures that crawl up to the surface.

And sometimes, just when the sun isn't bright enough to keep the hole from expanding, that energy takes over and fills me until my eyes turn dark.
I don't want people to see that kind of energy, I don't want them to take over that energy.

But I can't keep it, if they keep saying they are happy because of me.