That day I woke up at the sound of laughters, something I haven't experienced in a lot of time.
When I went downstairs to see who was in my house, all of my friends were there, waiting to tell me the good news, which were that my dad booked me and Bug a hotel room so we could spend the new year together, since Christmas wasn't celebrated that year.
We didn't celebrate Christmas that year, because my father started a conflict with my mother about how he was always there for me and always gave me money and let me do whatever I want and that type of stuff.
I put on some new pajamas, packed some clothes, three packs of cigarettes plus four energy drinks, and some chapstick.
My father drove us to this hotel in the mountains. The hotel looked affordable, but the rooms looked incredible.
After my father left, everyone went nuts.
The six of us went hiking, we took hundreds of photographs on Monroe's old camera.
After a few hours of hiking and admiring the beautiful views, a fox came sprinting at us from nowhere, and so we ran as fast as our legs could and got to the hotel safely.
I think we ran out of fear, not for our lives, but for our outfits. They were glamorous. Me and Emmerson were matching. We wore a baggy Aer-yeah 51 band tee, a plaid mini skirt and some Mary Janes. Monroe wore this beautiful diamond dress with stilettos, an outfit inspired by Paris Hilton. Bug wore some baggy white sweatpants, a baggy white sweatshirt with a beige crop top underneath and some worn out converse, inspired by Aaliyah. Seth and Alexander wore a black vest with a white shirt underneath along with some shorts and a cape, victorian era.
Bug brought our father's old speaker, because he insisted we have as much fun as we can, but I know he just wants to make it up for ruining our Christmas by not coming.
All of us blasted old Romanian music and sang along to it, smoked until our lungs collapsed and drank energy drinks until our liver screamed for help.
Me and Monroe brought something even more special with her, along with Emmerson, Seth and Alexander.
Monroe and I brought a large sized bottle of vodka and the other three brought cross joints and edibles.
Bug just went to buy some cigarettes and energy drinks just because he was the youngest.
We drank and smoked all night, and at one point I remembered going to the bathroom with Emmerson, but I couldn't remember what happened there.
When I woke up, the whole place smelled like weed, and so we opened all of the windows and left as fast as possible.
And yes, I did get my new year's kiss.
Author's note:
They always say'new year new me', but for me it's always been different.
The more I grow and the more time passes, I realize that I'm one step closer to becoming my past self. And not my past self who is alone all the time and feels miserable, I'm talking about my past self that was the best version of myself. When I was purely a soul existing in this endless loop of life and death.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking forward to becoming a baby, that's not what I'm saying, but every year of my life I've realized a lot of things about me, and one of them is that I never changed, and that I should never try to change again.
When I tried to change myself so people would like me, I went into a deep eating disorder and started harming myself. I didn't want to hurt my true self, just what I've become. But, every time you fail, you are one step closer to finding out the truth.
I'm glad I finally came to my senses.
That year was the best year of my life. I made a lot of friends, I got good grades, I had a great relationship, and I had myself.
The only thing I needed was myself, someone could've locked me in a mental hospital with no furniture and white walls and I'd still keep myself sane, because the only thing a person needs is themselves. We don't need someone else's love if we give ourselves love.
We don't need anyone's attention if we give ourselves attention.
That year was just about what I accomplished for myself, and what I've learned from the people around me, but most importantly, what I've learned from myself.
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