𝔽𝕝𝕠𝕨𝕖𝕣 ℂ𝕣𝕠𝕨𝕟 || 𝕂𝕒𝕞𝕚𝕤𝕒𝕥𝕠 𝔸𝕪𝕒𝕥𝕠

36. Hope

Sleep did not mercy the conflicted.

Thus, Kanari was left weaving in and out of consciousness, curled up against the cold walls as she tried to distance herself from reality. Her thoughts were like bubbles around her, popping every time she attempted to hold onto one. 

Failure and success. Life and death. What did any of this matter to her? She hated herself, didn't she? 

A most pitiful state is one where your identity is shattered into pieces too small to be comprehensible. Who could you burden yourself with, when you cannot even burden yourself on your own mind. 

Talking with Childe had left her in a murky place filled only with fog. All the things she'd believed in, once, were now swirling in the air with the things she'd ignored and denied. But fog disappears when you get closer, and so she could not hold on to anything satisfactory.

Perhaps the one thing that remained certain was the wretched fear deep within her. It was fear, she knew that now. Only, what did she fear? What was the source of her terror? She thought it was failure that instilled such fright in her heart. Maybe that really was it. Maybe it wasn't.

She no longer knew.

The sound of footsteps suddenly broke her from her existential crisis, echoing throughout what Kanari assumed was a hallway as they approached. Immediately, she realized that it wasn't the same sound that Childe made when he delivered her rations. It was louder, more muddled. 

Multiple people were coming. 

Kanari closed her eyes. Was she going to be freed? Or killed? Or taken elsewhere? Did it matter, really? Life seemed like just a hazy dream when you were at your lowest, and right now, Kanari was stuck in a hole dug by her own failures. A hole she didn't deserve to get out of. A hole that would become her grave.

"It's been six days, are you sure this is working?" Said an eerily familiar voice. Kanari swore she'd heard it before, but the suggestion of being able to recognize someone's voice in this situation made her breath hitch, rendering her unable to process who this person was.

"How am I supposed to know? Aren't you the one spending your time in the palace?" A male voice snapped. That was Childe. His voice was distinct enough for her to recognize, now that she'd spent the past week or so being subjected to his company.

"The king seems unlikely to yield, at the moment. But if we pressure him further, we might be successful," said the stranger. From what she could discern, the speaker was female, but Kanari couldn't quite match a face to the voice she was hearing. 

Their footsteps stopped, a silence sliding in to replace the sounds that echoed throughout the corridor. Incomprehensible whispers started up for a moment, before dying down again. A pair of footsteps sounded after a pause, slowly fading as they moved away. 

Suddenly, a click sounded from her door. Within seconds, Childe burst through, wisps of his ginger hair glowing in dim light. Placing the usual tray by her feet, he gave Kanari a cocky smile. 

"What are you staring at me for?" He asked with a quirk of his eyebrows. "Checking me out? I'm flattered, but you're not my type."

She continued staring at him blankly, having absolutely no idea on how to respond to such an absurd remark. Once upon a time, she might've had the strength to mutter a response, but now she was nothing but drained from the countless thoughts ringing in her head.

"Oh, wait. I forgot. You already have a boyfriend, don't you?"

Everything inside her shut down at those few words. He couldn't possibly know of her and Ayato's feelings toward each other. It was impossible. He was joking.