𝔽𝕝𝕠𝕨𝕖𝕣 ℂ𝕣𝕠𝕨𝕟 || 𝕂𝕒𝕞𝕚𝕤𝕒𝕥𝕠 𝔸𝕪𝕒𝕥𝕠

30. So This Is Love

One sentence can change someone's world.

Perhaps that sentence brings someone joy, life, and a promise of a new era. Perhaps that sentence brings someone news that sends their world crashing around them. Perhaps it is a life-altering job offer, or a declaration of someone's death. Words, so simple on their own, yet a certain string of them can make even the bravest of heroes kneel. They can evoke countless emotions in a thousand different shades, like the swirls of color that streak the sky at dawn.

Kanari wasn't sure which of these emotions were going through her head at that moment.

Oh, Kanari, you're so smart, so why can't you see how much I've fallen for you?

This one simple sentence, this specific pattern of words, made her mind go utterly blank. The only thing she could process as a silence dragged on was the absurd rate at which her heart pounded.

For a moment, there was nothing but tension filling the emptiness between them as she and Ayato stared at each other. His eyes were wide, as if he hadn't expected those words to actually escape his lips.

"I didn't," he began suddenly, breaking the silence, "I didn't think much of it at first, but then I started wanting to be around you more. I wanted to make you smile. I wanted—" His voice broke off, and his gaze shifted to the floor. His ears grew redder with each passing moment, evidently flustered. The expression etched on his face was a strange concoction of panic, frustration, and something else Kanari wanted to deny.

What a dilemma she'd found herself in.

"I told you, once, that you remind me of a queen. So, Kanari, will you be my queen?"

A wild part of her, the one that led her to become a knight, the one that slowly walked her out of the shadows that she'd eventually succumbed to again, the one that was most foolish and irrational, wanted to say yes. So. Badly. She wanted to race into Ayato's arms and forget everything she knew.

But she couldn't.

She was just a shattered mirror lying at the bottom of the riverbed. In the bright summer sun, she made the river glitter with radiance. A facade of beauty and serenity. But she was still broken. Everyone could only see the river's glistening surface, congratulating her for how she made it shine so. They did not, could not, see how she was utterly broken, with only shards lying between the countless pebbles that make up the river's base.

She didn't deserve to be standing here, before Ayato, listening to him confess his love. It should've been anyone but her. Anyone that wasn't a burden. Anyone that didn't come with a past that they couldn't let go.

"I can't."

Her voice nearly cracked.

The blush that had been growing on Ayato's face faded slightly as he looked into her eyes. The emotion on his face, Kanari couldn't deny it for any longer, was love. It was a fragile love, filled with hope and want and innocence. Kanari wished she didn't have to shatter it so, but what else could she do?

"I never asked if we could, only if you wanted to."

"We can't do this."

"I don't care. Please, just tell me if I have any chance. If you love me back, even if it's just a tiny bit."

Ayato's voice was desperate now, like he was trying to cling to a fading trail of starlight that melted in his fingers. Though she'd gone through many kinds of pain, this was a new one. Watching the way her words broke the person she'd come to adore so much shattered her own heart.

"This can't happen, Ayato. Whatever it is you're thinking of, it can't happen," said Kanari, pain ringing in her voice.

Somewhere, deep in their minds, it registered that this was the first time she'd ever called him by his name. A shame such a momentous occasion happened to be overshadowed by the small fact that she was breaking his heart.