𝔽𝕝𝕠𝕨𝕖𝕣 ℂ𝕣𝕠𝕨𝕟 || 𝕂𝕒𝕞𝕚𝕤𝕒𝕥𝕠 𝔸𝕪𝕒𝕥𝕠

42. Who Am I, If Not Yours?

If Kanari told the version of herself from two months ago that she would now be standing in a coral pink dress of the latest fashions, surrounded by a magnificent room, staring into the mirror as she adorned expensive jewelry, she would've never believed it. Yet somehow, she was here. 

Two months wasn't at all a long time, yet apparently it was enough for her to get used to the once foreign routine that she now had. It was still a little surreal to comprehend the bouquet of power and opportunity she held in her hands. She wondered what her mother would think of the situation she was now in. 

Kanari watched Kokomi's swift movements through the mirror as she finished off tying her white hair in a stylish bun. Their eyes met and they both paused, but the moment only lasted for a second. Kokomi was helping her get ready for the wedding ceremony, on her insistence. Kanari had been a little hesitant at first, but having her friend help her proved to be the right decision. Kokomi fished out the perfect outfit and accessories from the depths of Kanari's closet, all while jesting about how Kanari lacked any knowledge of what was in style.

Picking up a pair of pearl earrings, Kanari hummed, asking for Kokomi's approval.

"Yes. Wear them." she responded, after a quick glance. 

Kanari complied, finishing the same time Kokomi did. Turning her head to each side, she admired the work that was her hair. It was not unlike the bun she usually twisted it into, but it was far more intricate, decorated with glittering jewels. 

"I wish you could wear a bit of blue just to bring out your eyes," sighed Kokomi wistfully as she walked around Kanari, adjusting parts of her jewelry. "But a dress code is a dress code, I guess."

Kanari nodded, but her gaze was on the drawer of her dresser. Hesitantly, she put a gloved finger on the handle, feeling the polished wood in her bare hand. She slowly pulled it open after a moment, the drawer sliding out smoothly. There was nothing much of note in it, containing mostly jewelry and accessories. However, there was one thing that stood out. 

The cecilia pin sat on the purple velvet that lined the insides of the drawer, staring back at Kanari innocently. It almost blended in with the other trinkets, but it could never truly hide its true nature from her. The presence of Ayato lingered on it always, especially with the knowledge that this pin was of his own design. 

The metal felt cold in her hands as she picked it up, running her fingers along the jewels. Silently, she inserted it into her hair, the same way Ayato once had. 

"Woah," said Kokomi, her eyes wide as she admired the hairpiece. "That's pretty! Are they cecilias?"

"Yes," Kanari replied, staring at herself in the mirror once more. She wasn't unrecognizable in this attire, but it gave her a peculiar feeling, nonetheless. Pink wasn't exactly her usual choice of color.

"It suits you," Kokomi concluded, taking a step back to admire her handiwork. 

Nodding absentmindedly, Kanari looked around for her gloves. When she spotted them, she quickly slipped them on. Nowadays, she relied on gloves and makeup to conceal the red scars on her wrists and the bags under her eyes. Perhaps if she kept saying she was alright and hiding her turmoil away, she would be okay again.

"Ready?" 

Kanari turned around at the sound of Kokomi's voice, trying to smile. Though, she suspected that she couldn't hide the melancholy feeling that continued to consume her every moment she lived through. 

"Oh, Kanari," sighed Kokomi, throwing her arms around her friend. "Today will go by in a blink of an eye, I promise. Soon it'll be okay."

Kanari nodded, but as she hugged Kokomi, a small smile appeared on her face. It was a genuine smile, maybe the first one in weeks.