Still We Rise

34: Goodbye Mom

Song: Castle on the Hill- Ed Sheeran
There are no goodbyes for us. Wherever I go, you will always be in my heart.
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Miles's POV:

As Kenzie turns right, I go straight, heading towards the cemetery mom is buried at. When I arrive, I turn off my truck, get the flowers I got for her, and head towards her marble headstone.

I set the flowers on her headstone, like I do every time I visit, and then I sit down with my back against it. I stay quiet for a while, thinking, reminiscing, and letting tears roll down my cheeks.

"Hey momma llama. It's been a while, and I'm sorry, but we've been busy. Here's the recap of what's happened since I was last here. Kinsler and Jazzy graduated kindergarten, Dravon had the crazy idea for all five of us to move into an apartment together, we made a plan to do said move, the guys and I graduated, and guess what mom. I graduated as valedictorian! It's crazy because I was barely ever there, but apparently I was the top of my class." I inform her, well really no one.

"After we graduated, we started packing, and now here we are. Tonight we're moving into our apartment. We got the keys last week, and have waited until rent is almost due so we didn't waste too much money. Dra, Eli, and I are going to the same college, Kenzie is getting her GED and then going to do online classes, she's also working nights and gets the weekend off to spend time with us. Cathy told us we have to come down every break, otherwise she'd drag us here herself, and I'm planning on visiting every time we're here." I tell her, and then fall silent.

There's a light cool breeze, and a full moon. My mom's favorite time of the summer, it's warm, but the breeze makes it comfortable enough to be outside without dying from the heat.

I stay there, silent, for ten minutes. I don't have to say anything because I know she already knows everything that's going. And call me crazy, but I can feel her sitting next to me.

"You know, sometimes I worry that I'll forget you. Your personality, your laugh, your stunt voice when I do something you think will get me hurt, all of that. I worry most about forgetting our memories. And I feel like moving away will make it happen because I'll be away from what once was our home. I know you would tell me 'It's your life bug. Be happy, and stop worrying about me.' But it's not worrying about you any more. It's worrying about me." I admit.

I let out a long sigh, "Mom, there is so much I wish I could talk to you about and get an answer for. Because some things just spin around my head like crazy, and I can't talk about them to anyone. Some of them are so fucking complicated that I can't figure them out on my own, and I know I can talk to Cathy about stuff, but she's like Dravon and will spill what I talk about if she thinks the person she is talking to could help solve the problem." I go silent again before I openly say anything about what's on my mind.

I know it's better to talk about what you feel and what's on your mind, but if you say it out loud then that makes it true, and I don't think I'm ready for it to be true yet.

I pull out my phone, checking the time, and I realize it's been twenty five minutes already. I go to Kenzie's contact, press call, and wait for her answer. She doesn't, which I'd expect since it's been a while since she's visited Vi. She immediately texts back saying they are almost done.

"Well mom, it's time for me to go play big and bad so no one messes with Kenz and my little buddy. But I will be back as soon as we come into town, this'll be my first stop with updates on life, and all that jazz that you'd care about." I stand up, kiss two of my fingers, and place them on her headstone.