𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 (𝐂𝐅)

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞- 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡

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I felt like I was suffocating, everything I had been suppressing comes balling out. My guilt, the emotions I have held onto so it doesn't become real.

"Ellie?" I hear Conrad's voice at the door as he knocks, his voice filled with concern. I couldn't talk, I couldn't even stand. He opens the door seeing me on the floor. He doesn't say anything and instead sits down next to me embracing me in his arms. "Shh it's okay, it's okay." He kisses the top of my head.

"Conrad I have to tell you something." I say through cries. "Whatever it is can wait, just let out what you need too." He says softly as I melt into his arms, knowing after what I tell him this will probably the last time I will touch him, feel him close to me.

I sit up turning to him looking into his eyes, his bright beautiful eyes. "Connie..." I start talking wiping my tears.

"I slept with Jeremiah." I wasn't looking at him anymore, I'm looking at the floor, the ceiling, anything that wasn't his face. But I take the courage, I look up. His eyes, now grey and dull, just how they were before we got together.

He unravels himself from me standing up. "No please connie talk to me." I cry follow his action as he walks out the door. I wanted to go after him, I wanted to take back everything I said, I wish I had never slept with Jeremiah.

"Fuck!" I shout out running my hands through my hair, I didn't want any of this to happen. I was hurting everyone around me.

The way Conrad looked at me, it was like all the love had disappeared. I hear his car turn on outside, I fought the urge to stay here, knowing going outside would only hurt both of us more. But my feet where racing down the stairs, I open the front door not even bothering to close it.

"Conrad!" I shout rushing over to his car as he sat there. Tears in his eyes looking straight forward.
"Please can we talk about this, just me and you let's just go away somewhere, just us and talk please!" I beg, I couldn't stop the tears and guilt and pain I felt for what I had done.

"It meant nothing! You mean everything to me connie please can we talk about this." He turns his head to me, fighting back tears. I could see in his eyes, there was part of him who wanted to roll down the window or open the door.

But he turns back changing gear as he starts backing out of the driveway, my hands leaving the car door. "Ell." I turn to Jeremiah who stood at the front door which he had shut behind him.

I shake my head as he walks over embracing me tightly. "I'm sorry Jere I had to tell him." I say into his chest. "Let's go for a drive, I'll tell everyone we're going to get more drink okay?" I nod my head as he hands me the keys to his car.

He heads inside as I get in the car finally collecting my thoughts together. Although what just happened was awful and the worst pain I've felt, I knew it was the right thing to do. I couldn't keep this secret in any longer.

Jeremiah comes back to the car immediately turning the car on and driving off. He turns the radio on which plays my favourite station. I turn it up and open the window calming myself down letting the cool air hit me.

We drive a little bit before Jeremiah pulls up to the parking lot of the country club turning the car off, now left in silence. "What happened El?" He asks turning to me.

"I'm in love with Conrad, and uh I'm pretty sure he loves me, we'll, did." I take a deep breath. Conrad had never said those words to me but deep down I think he must've loved me.

"And I just couldn't keep us a secret from him, it wasn't fair." I shake my head. Luckily no more tears came out, I did feel a lot better saying it, thought I felt sick and sad, I knew I did the right thing.

"And now I've lost Conrad." I laugh a little as a few tears pour down my cheek which I quickly wipe away, I hated crying in front of people.

"Ellie, Conrad has been in love with you since you were like nine." I look up to Jeremiah you could tell he wasn't joking, no sarcasm.

"Susanna would always tease him, he would always smile when you were in the room. He would cancel plan with me and Steven."

"Wait no this isn't true because until this year Conrad hated me." But did he? Was this all a cover up to try hide the feelings he had for me, was I that blind?

"He never hated you El's, it was the summer you got with George, when you kissed him, that's when he decided he hated you, but he never really did. You know what Conrad's like he won't talk about it, he just suppresses every human emotion apart from anger." It was true, how could I not have seen this, this made me feel even more stupid.

"Look I should be the one who's worried, probably gonna get a black eye the next time I see him." I didn't want that to happen, it was my fault not Jeremiah's.

"We should go back it's belly's birthday." I sigh, I can't believe that I not only ruined whatever mine and Conrad's relationship was but also ruined Belly's party. It was time to go back and make sure I didn't cause to much of a scene.

We had back, grabbing some drink on the way back before parking up the car, Conrad still wasn't back. We head inside where the music was louder than when we left.

"They're you are come on!" Belly squeals grabbing my hands pulling me away from Jeremiah. I'm glad no body else saw my breakdown, maybe things were going to be okay.

I yea shack inside as everyone gets exited by mine and Jeremiah's return. Steven told me the parents all left to go out for some drinks meaning we had the house to ourselves, no wonder everyone was so drunk.

"Where did you guys go? Awfully long trip to the shops!" Taylor shouts it goes a little quiet but not enough for people to look they're suspicious.

"I lied, never have I ever, I slept with Jeremiah a couple of weeks ago, drunken hookup. But it was definitely a one time thing okay?" I announce to the group.

"Ew you and Jeremiah that's gross!" Steven pretends to throw up. "Oh like you didn't sleep with my best friend." I say referring to Shayla as he queues down.

"Ellie I can't believe you kept it from us this long!"Nicole laughs. "I didn't want to make a big deal out of it." I shrug. "So how was it?" Shayla wiggles her eyebrows.

"Uh I am still in the room guys." Jeremiah points out as the girls all laugh drunkly. I look to belly who had a small sour look plastered on her face. I walk over to her taking her hands.

"I'm sorry." I say kissing one of her hands. "I just wish you told me, we tell each other everything." She rolls her eyes. "I promise I will tell you the next time I get with a person." I pull her in for a hug as she lets out a smile.

Now everyone knew, the guilt for that left my body. I knew I still had guilt left in me over what happened with me and Connie, but it's pretty clear whatever we were, was over.

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