I feel like i've lost years i haven't lived-September

All Too Much

Phil quickly answered the door and took the food, thanking the delivery man and then bringing it back to the table.

As soon as Carson looked at it there was a noticeable cringe on her face. However it was just for a second before she swiftly wiped it off and put back on the happy smile she always wore.

Even though Carson thought he didn't, Phil noticed. But he wasn't going to say anything, especially not in front of all these people.

As everyone was half way through eating Carson was still just picking at her food. Hesitant to even take a bite when she hadn't really eaten all day. Actually she had only eaten a yogurt the entire day.

As much as Carson was hoping she would get off without eating she knew she was not going to be that fortunate.

Phil looked over at the girl and poked her slightly with the end of his fork, successfully gaining her attention

"Seven bites."

He said quietly so that no one else heard him.

Carson immediately grimaced when she heard this though. Seven was alot! The girl decided that she would try anyway but definitely wasn't happy about it. Carson nodded her head and looked back at the food. It was just a chicken and bean bowl. How bad could it be?

After the first bite she was fine.

The second bite and she was only slightly nauseous.

The third bite and Carson's mind was beginning to race.

When she was still being held captive Jacob would constantly say how overweight she was, how she needed to eat less, how nobody would love her if she wasn't skinny.

At first he played this sick game with her, offering her food multiple times a day and if she picked the wrong time or the wrong amount he would 'punish' her. It eventually got to the point where Carson only accepted food once a week and water about every half a day.

And after a while of that she wasn't eating enough to live, which Jacob was far to evil to let happen. So he would force feed her soup everyday for lunch, putting his hand over her mouth and plugging her nose until she swallowed. It was enough to keep her alive but not gain any weight. So Carson stayed at the exact same, almost deadly, weight for two months before she was rescued.

The forth bite was difficult for her to swallow. Carson thought she would get punished but her mind quickly rationalize that Phil and the boys would never do something like that to her.

The fifth bite and she could feel someones eyes on her. When she looked up it was actually multiple peoples eyes, she focused on what was going on and realized that someone was talking to her. But she couldn't quite recognize the muffled voice so she instead looked to see who's mouth was moving.

The person talking was actually the man who hadn't said much earlier, um.. Sapnap was his name?

However no matter how hard she tried to get the ringing in her ears to subside so she could hear what he was saying, it didn't. Carson started getting noticeably frustrated but nobody could seem to understand why.

Sapnap was just talking about how he liked her elephant plushie from earlier but Carson seemed to be getting irritated and upset.

Normally the ringing would go away on its own, but this time it didn't stop and was becoming very overwhelming for the girl.

She looked at Phil and pointed at her ears slightly. It wasn't common for the ringing to stay after a flashback or panic attack however it had happened once before and the ringing didn't go away for a few hours that time.

Phil didn't understand at first but when Carson held up her palm and started lightly tapping her pointer finger in the middle and then pointed back at her ears he finally got it.

The blonde man grabbed a notepad and a pen, asking her to make sure his suspicion was correct. He barely knew sign language after all

'Your ears are ringing?'

Carson nodded her head and held her hands up to her ears to try and stop the ringing. Even though she knew it wouldn't work.

The girl could see Phil was speaking to other people but she still couldn't understand what he was saying. She took her hands away from her head and instead scooted her chair closer to Phil and stuffed her head into his chest. Did it help the ringing at all? No. But it did help calm Carson down.

Phil, although surprised at the action, didn't protest this. Instead gently taking the braids down from Carsons hair and unbraiding them while they waited for the ringing to stop. Maybe they could do something? They could try and call Eret to see if he has any ideas. It had only been a few minutes though and it may stop any time now.

Tommy had come over and once again started messing with Carsons hands in attempt to calm her quicker and Techno had moved to rub soothing circles on her back. Wilbur also put on some soft music and moved the other men, and kids, outside with him. Just trying to help Carson to calm down at all. Normally the ringing stops when she calms down.

It had been fifteen minutes and they were still in the same position. They were about to call Eret for advice when Carson moved slightly at the mention of her name. Phil said her name again and the girl slowly started to sit up. The tear tracks down her face obviously showed she had been crying, but what they really wanted to know is if the ringing stoped.

Carson looked up and pushed her hair behind her head as she did so. She looked at Phil and then went back to hugging him.

"Carson? Can you hear us bub?"

"Mhmm"

She murmured out, very tired sounding.

"Are you alright?"

The girl sat up fully and looked around, only now noticing that everyone but Phil, Techno and Tommy had left.

"Where'd everyone go?"

Carson spoke with confusion lacing her voice

"They went outside to help you calm down hunny."

"Oh."

"Yeah you were pretty out of it."

She shook her head at this statement

"Nuh uh i remember what happened!"

However Phil just raised an eyebrow at this.

"I just couldn't hear it."

The girl muttered out jokingly. She then looked at the food on the table in front of her with disgust, which Phil quickly pushed back further on the table.

"You're okay. Five is enough. But we gotta talk about what happened later, okay?"

Carson nodded her head and clung to Phil as he stood up. She wanted to go to bed but she couldn't do that without being watched so she decided she just wasn't going to let Phil move so she could sleep.

"Carson!"

Phil held the girl up while he stood, quite confused on her act right now.

"I wanna go to bed.."

It could barely be understood as she said it. However Phil was a parent, so of course he heard it fine.

The man lifted Carson up and carried her into his room, setting her down on the bed, covering her with a blanket and leaving his door halfway open. Everyone was probably coming back inside anyway so he would just keep an eye on her.

Carson snuggled under the blanket and tightly held onto the elephant. Sure she should be talking to the people who came over but they'd probably be there tomorrow too so Carson wasn't to worried about it.