I feel like i've lost years i haven't lived-September

Am I A Bad Person?

It was around noon when Wilbur came into Carson room in search of Phil. Only to see the three fast asleep on the bed, he quickly left the room trying not to wake anyone up on the way out. However Wilbur isn't exactly known for being quiet, so of course he managed to wake up both Phil and Carson.

Carson was obviously groggy but Phil seemed wide awake immediately.

"Hey Wil, lets talk downstairs so we don't wake Tommy up."

Wilbur nodded his head and walked out of the room, leaving the door open for Phil who also held the door open for Carson.

Carson looked at Phil, then at Tommy on the bed. Phil could tell she was hesitant to leave him after what happened this morning.

"You can stay with him if you'd like or you can wake him up. Im probably gonna cook lunch soon so he'll have to wake up anyway."

"Okay I'll wake him up i think."

Phil walked downstairs to where Wilbur was waiting to talk to him. It was obvious something was on his mind because the brown haired boy was pacing around the living room.

"Hey Wil, whats going on in your head?"

He suddenly stopped pacing and turned to Phil quickly, it seemed he didn't even realize that his dad was there.

"Whats up kid?"

Phil repeated himself, getting worried about Wilbur. However it didn't even take another second for Wil to be barreling into his fathers arms, thick tears running down his face. The brown haired boy wasn't one to cry often, so the fact that he was bawling his eyes out both shocked and concerned Phil.

"Hey, hey, hey Wilbur.. whats wrong? Whats up bud, why are you so upset?"

Wilbur attempted to balance his breathing and after another few seconds he was able to clearly speak about his sudden breakdown.

"I remind her of a guy who raped her eight times dad! Thats not.. thats not okay! I don't want to be that person for her."

"Wilbur its not your fault buddy. We didn't know, okay? And she doesn't hold it against you baby."

"Are you sure she doesn't though?"

Phil hugged his son a little bit tighter. He knew Carson didn't blame him. But how did he get Wilbur to believe that too? As he was about to respond Carson and Tommy walked down the stairs and into the room. Tommy was quick to run over to Wilbur, but stopped before he hugged him. Just incase Wil was overwhelmed.

"Whats going on?"

Carson was fast to ask. Tommy whispered something to Wilbur and then quickly engulfed him into a hug with their dad.

When Carson got no response to her question she decided to ask again.

"Wilbur.. you okay?"

Wil looked over at her and seemed to tear up again. So Carson decided maybe Phil was a better person to ask.

"Phil, can someone explained what happened please?"

"He's just a little upset Carson. If he wants to tell you he can okay bub?"

Carson nodded her head and went to the kitchen, shouting something about making lunch. Phil was still hugging Wilbur and Tommy, while Carson made lunch. He knew it wasn't ideal to have the youngest making lunch and he definitely felt guilty about it. But Carson reassured she didn't mind and continued cooking anyway

After a few minutes Wilbur had calmed down and sat down in the living room with Tommy and Techno. The three sat and talked while Phil went into the kitchen to help Carson with lunch.

She was making mac and cheese, it actually looked pretty good. Phil didn't even know Carson knew how to cook, if any of his boys tried to cook the house would probably burn down.

"Hey Carson, im sorry about this. You don't have to keep cooking if you don't want to."

Carson shook her head

"No its okay. Wilbur needs you Phil, I don't want you to fuck that up because you're worried about making lunch."

"But kids shouldn't have to cook Car."

The girl once again laughed, Car was just such an odd nickname.

"Phil I really don't mind. I actually quite like cooking."

He nodded slightly, turning to sit at the breakfast bar. Phil just remembered he had scheduled her an appointment at their friend Eret's therapy clinic.

"Hey I scheduled you an appointment tomorrow at 11am with a children's therapist."

"Okay. Am I going alone?"

"Well Eret recommended either alone or with one of us that you trust. But obviously im going to be driving you there."

Carson nodded her head and continued stirring the mac and cheese

"Can we talk about it during lunch please Phil?"

"Of course we can Carson."

"Could you grab me the milk and butter and cheese please?"

Phil nodded and moved to the fridge, grabbing the items and setting them down on the counter next to the stove. Carson grabbed the butter and put a spoonful in the noodles. She then added half a cup of milk and some salt and then finally the cheese. After another few minutes lunch was finished and Phil called the boys to the table to eat.

The three sat down in their respective chairs as Carson and Phil gave out plates and forks.

Honestly Carson still wasn't used to this part. She had only been here.. a week? Maybe less. The girl hadn't really been counting the days. But what she did know was that it is really weird to eat as a 'family'. It wasn't that she was angry at the Watsons, she actually quite enjoyed being with the family. Carson just didn't know about actually calling them HER family. Sure technically Phil had already adopted her and as far as legally she was apart of their family. But Carson knew many people who had been adopted and given back, like they were dogs or something. Luckily she had never been adopted before, she had people who considered adopting her but untimely decided she was to problematic for them to take.

There was a certain silence at the table when everyone first sat down. All of them knew some things needed to be discussed but none of them knew the words to start the conversation.. or if anyone even wanted the conversation to be started.

"So.."

Carson trailed off, however she did notice how all eyes shot to her the moment she spoke. Phil saw all his kids having problems with starting a conversation and decided to continue his and Carsons conversation from earlier

"Carson, Did you decide about tomorrow?"

"Yeah.. um i think i should.."

Carson seemed to stop again. Debating if she should actually say it. Would it make him mad if she wanted to go alone? Maybe she should just have him or Tommy go in with her. But she didn't want them to know everything about her just yet.. She was just gonna have to bite the bullet and say she wanted to go alone.

"I think i want to go alone if thats okay."

"Of course thats fine!"

The three boys were silently eating while Phil and Carson talked, Wilbur however seemed very quiet. Carson obviously noticed this, while Wilbur may scare her quite a bit she still cares for him. The girl wanted to ask him if he was okay but she knew that bringing things up around many people could make him feel forced to lie.