not good enough

chapter 10

There's a knock on my bedroom door. "Yeah?" I ask. Derek walks in. I smile. "Hey" I sit up. "Hi, I missed you.. I hope you don't mind me coming over" he climbs onto the bed.

"I never mind you coming over" I chuckle, hugging him. "Did you miss me too?" He asks. "Of course" I pick my phone up.

He kisses my cheek. I smile. "Who you texting?" He asks. "Um.. you know Mark from school?" She asks. "My best friend Mark?" I grab her phone. "Hey" she reaches for it.

"Why is he texting you?" I give it back to her. "I don't know.. I'm only talking about you" she shrugs.

"You promise?" I ask. "I promise" she says. She puts her phone back down. She turns to me and kisses me. I hardly kiss her back.

She pulls away slowly. "Der, we're literally just talking about you.. that's it" she chuckles. "I'm sorry, it just makes me uncomfortable" I say. She passes me her phone.

"You can look through the messages" she says. I look down at her phone. "No, I trust you" I pass it back. She puts it aside. I kiss her deeply, putting my hands on her cheeks.

I pull her under me, hovering over her. She moans quietly as I suck on her neck. I feel her heart pounding in her chest against mine.

"Derek" she whispers. I carry on. "W-would you ever be into.. um" she stutters. I look into her eyes. "What?" I ask.

I kiss her lips. "You can say anything to me, mer.. what is it?" I smile small. "I'm really horny" she whispers. I smile wider.

"We said no sex?" I furrow my brows. "I don't want to break that rule" she says. "I do" I say. She giggles.

"I think that's a huge line to cross.. but I want something" she says. "What do you want?" I ask.

"Whenever I'm feeling.. in the mood" she whispers. I nod. "I always have to use my hand because I don't have a vibrator" she whispers. "So you want to use mine? Fine" I tease. She giggles.

"Can you buy me one?" She asks. "Why can't you get one yourself?" I chuckle. "What if my mom finds out?" She asks. I shrug.

"Its fine, I shouldn't have asked" she says. "No, baby I'll get you one" I say. "Really?" She smiles. I nod.

"Under one condition" I say. "What?" She asks. "You have to use it infront of me" I smile. She blushes harder. "Derek" she giggles.

"Come on.. give me something" I say. She grins slightly. "Can I see what you do with your fingers?" I hold her hand. She looks down. "Derek, I don't know.." she whispers. I nod slowly.

I push her hand down her pyjama shorts slowly. She looks down, moving it the rest of the way into her panties. I watch her facial expressions as she rubs her clit.

I kiss her neck. After a few minutes she let's out her first small moan. I pull away and look at her. She's biting her lip gently. I feel her legs wrap around my waist. I smile, looking into her eyes.

She kisses me. I push my tongue into her mouth. Our tongues move together slowly. Her back arches underneath me.

I smile against her lips as I feel her hand moving faster. She pulls away from my lips, letting out a moan.

Her head tilts back. She bites her lip, letting out another small moan. Her mouth falls open slightly.

Her body relaxes and she pulls her hand out of her panties. She giggles, looking into my eyes. I kiss her cheek. "You're so fucking sexy" I whisper.

I grab her hand. Her cheeks turn a darker red as I take her fingers in my mouth, sucking on them gently. I feel her legs wrapping tighter around my waist. I know I'm turning her on more. I love it.

I pull her hand away slowly and kiss her lips instead. She's still trying to catch her breath. We both chuckle softly, resting our foreheads together.

"Was that fun?" I ask. "Yes" she giggles softly. "That was the best thing I've ever seen in my life" I say. She laughs. "Oh shut up Derek" she shakes her head. I chuckle.

"I love you so much" I kiss her. "Do you?" She asks. I nod slowly. "More than anything.. can you not see that?" I whisper.

"Nobody has appeared to have loved me as much as you.." she furrows her brows slightly. "Do you love me?" I ask. "I think so.." she whispers.

"Why so unsure?" I ask. "I've never loved anybody before" she whispers. "Do you trust me?" I ask. She shrugs. "You don't?" I raise my brows. "I don't trust anyone" she chuckles softly.

"Trust me, meredith.. I will love you forever" I say quietly. "You don't just want to get into my panties, just like every other guy I meet?" She giggles. I feel the hurt in her voice.

"I bet the inside of your panties are lovely, but I don't give a fuck.. I want you to be my girlfriend.. my wife, not my fucktoy" I say. She giggles more.

She holds my face in her hands, kissing me deeply. I pull away slowly. "I know you're not sure of your feelings, but I am.. I'm so sure" I say. She kisses me again.

I feel her crying quietly against my lips. I pull away from her. "Mer?" I put my hand on her cheek. "I'm sorry" she wipes her tears.

"What's wrong?" I ask. "I don't want to lose you ever.. you make me really happy" she hugs my neck. "You know what I think?" I ask. She shakes her head.

"I think you love me" I whisper. She giggles softly. "Me too" she says. I smile.

"We don't have to have sex, I just want to be with you" I lay next to her. "You won't leave me?" She holds my hand. I shake my head. "Never" I say.

"Even if I.. don't want to be with you?" She asks. "You're my best friend" I tuck her hair behind her ear. "I do want to be with you" she says. "For real?" I ask. "For real" she hugs me. I kiss her head.

"Yes!" I yell. She giggles. I squeeze her tight. "My girlfriend" I kiss her cheek playfully, rolling us over. "I was your girlfriend anyway, dum dum" she giggles louder. "Now we're official" I kiss her.