not good enough

chapter 16

We did it. I had sex. Me and derek slept together. We're naked under the sheets. It lasted a whole hour, including foreplay and kissing.

I have not stopped crying since he pulled out of me. "Baby I'm so sorry, what did I do wrong?" He whispers, trying to comfort me. I sob harder into his chest.

I don't even know why I'm crying. I just feel so emotional. As soon as I finished, I just felt a flood of emotions flow through me. My heart literally hurts.

"Mer, please talk to me" he pulls away slowly. "I don't know what I did" he says tearfully. He pushes my hair out of my face. "Can you tell me?" He whispers.

"You didn't do anything wrong.. you were perfect" I whisper. "Did I hurt you?" He asks. "No" I say. "Why are you crying?" He asks. "I don't know" I sob.

"Do you.. not have feelings for me?" He whispers. I cry harder into his chest. It makes me feel even worse knowing that I'm making him feel bad. He just lost his virginity too, and I'm ruining it.

"I'm so sorry" I cry. "You don't?" He whispers, pulling away. "No, I love you so much" I say, realising what I'm making him think. He thinks I just realised I don't have feelings for him.

"You do?" He asks. I nod. "I love you so so much" I cry, resting my forehead against his. "Promise" he whispers. "I promise" I put my hand on his cheek. I kiss him.

"You didn't do anything wrong, I loved every second of it and you felt incredible.. you made me feel amazing" I say. "Okay" he smiles small.

"I'm so sorry, I don't even know why I'm crying" I chuckle as he wipes my tears. "Its okay baby" he kisses me.

"You promise you enjoyed it? No regrets?" He asks. "I loved it.. no regrets at all" I say honestly. He smiles. I smile too.

"Did you enjoy it? Was I okay?" I ask nervously. "You were absolutely incredible.. you felt so good and your moans were so sexy" he whispers. I smile wider.

"Can you put this on please? Just so I can open the door so my mom won't freak when she comes upstairs?" He asks, passing me his shirt. I put it on. He puts on his pyjama bottoms.

He opens the door and turns off the light. He climbs into bed and I cuddle into him. He pulls the covers over us. I very quickly fall asleep.

Derek's pov:
It's the morning after and meredith is crying a lot. "It hurts so bad" she sobs into my chest. "Fuck, I'm sorry" I whisper, hugging her tight.

"Why does it hurt?" She sniffles. "I don't know" I say. I've never had sex before. This isn't supposed to happen, is it? Did I do something wrong?

"I'm going to ask my dad" I get up. "No! Please don't!" She sobs. "I'm not leaving you in pain" I say before going to find my dad.

"Hi derek, you okay?" He asks as I walk into his office. "Uh" I clear my throat.

"What?" He looks at me. "I kinda.. had sex with meredith last night" I say quietly. "Oh, I mean that's great.. you've had a crush on her for years" he says.

"She won't stop crying" I say. "What did you do?" He chuckles. "She says it really hurts?" I say. "Oh" he says. "Do you think I did something wrong?" I ask worriedly. "No, it hurts girls the first time sometimes" he says.

"I didn't know.." I say. "She'll be okay, just sore for a while" he says. "I didn't mean to hurt her" I look down. "Just be there for her, comfort her" He stands up.

"Okay" I go to leave. "Hey, I'm proud of you.. your first girlfriend, that's a big deal" he hugs me. I smile, hugging him back. "Don't tell mom that we... please" I say. "I won't, she'd kill you" he says. I smile.

I go back to my bedroom. She's still in bed crying. "Hey baby, come here" I cuddle her. "What's wrong with me?" She whispers. "My dad said it's completely normal.. I think it's just because you got stretched out and your hymen broke" I whisper.

"I don't want to have sex ever again" she mumbles. "Please don't say that" I chuckle. She smiles at me.

"Derek" she says. "Yes?" I ask. "Do you feel the same about me?" She whispers. "No" I say. "Oh" her face turns to one of hurt and fear.

"I think I love you even more now" I say. "Really?" She smiles. I nod. She kisses me passionately.

I pull away slowly. "I should go" she gets up. "No, baby stay" I get up too. She shakes her head. "Please" I hug her.

"Please gorgeous, I want you here" I squeeze her gently. "Okay" she sits back on the bed. I sit next to her. "Can we sleep for a bit longer?" She cuddles into me. "Definitely" I hug her. She closes her eyes. I close mine.