not good enough

chapter 18

"Are you gonna cry everytime?" He hugs me tighter. "I don't know!" I sob into his shoulder. We're naked under the sheets after sex.

"Its okay" he whispers, stroking my hair gently. "I'm sorry, don't be mad at me" I wipe my tears. "I'm not mad baby" he kisses me.

"I don't understand why you keep crying" he strokes my cheek with his thumb. "Me either" I giggle softly through my cries.

"Its so attractive when I make you cum and you burst out crying" he says sarcastically. I laugh. "Shut up" I grin. "Such a turn on" he pecks my lips. I grin harder.

"You better not tell anyone about it" I say. He grabs his phone. "Hey mark, you wanna know a secret about meredith?" He says. "Der!" I giggle, tossing his phone aside. He didn't actually call anyone.

"I'm sorry if I make you uncomfortable" I say quietly. "You don't, I'm just teasing you" he chuckles.

I kiss him softly before sitting up. He cuddles his face into my belly. "Its actually really cute" he entwines our fingers. I giggle. "Seriously baby, it is" He smiles. "Thanks" I chuckle.

"I love you" I run my fingers through his curls. "I love you, gorgeous" he kisses my thigh.

Derek's pov:
She's still laid in my bed, watching me put my pyjama bottoms on. I lean down and kiss her head. She smiles. "You okay?" I whisper. She nods.

"You look cozy" I smile, tucking her in. "I am" she giggles. "Have a nap if you want" I say. "Without you?" She asks. "I'll be right here, doing my homework" I say. "And mine" she mumbles. "No" I chuckle. She closes her eyes.

I go downstairs. "Hey, you want some breakfast?" My dad asks. "Where's mom?" I ask. "Shops to get milk" he says. I sit opposite him.

"Oh, what's wrong now?" He chuckles. "She keeps crying" I say. "She's still sore?" He asks. "Yes, but that's not why she's crying" I say.

"She cries after?" He asks. "Well, its everytime she.. um, you know" I clear my throat awkwardly. "Oh.. you know what derek? I've had a girlfriend who's done that before" he says.

"You've had a girlfriend who wasn't mom?" I ask shocked. He nods. My eyes widen.

"Anyway, it's just a rush of hormones, nothing out of the usual.. like I said, just comfort her" he says. "But.. will she stop doing it?" I ask. "Probably" he says.

"What if she doesn't!?" I exclaim. He chuckles. "Don't stress about it, at least you know you're doing your job right" he says. I make a face of disgust. He laughs. I go upstairs.

I walk into my room. She's sat up in bed, holding the covers around her. "You left me" she frowns, holding her arms out to me. "Sorry baby, I was just talking to my dad" I smile, hugging her.

"I was scared your mom was gonna walk in on me naked in her sons bed" she says. "She's not home" I say. "Oh" she says.

"Are you still upset?" I sit next to her. She shakes her head. I wipe the dried tears off of her cheeks. She leans in and kisses me. I smile.

"Can we cuddle?" She asks. "Yes" I cuddle into her immediately. She smiles. "Derek" she says. "Yeah?" He asks. "Can I ask you a personal question?" She asks. "Yeah baby" I say.

I look into her eyes. "Before me, did you ever.. touch yourself?" She whispers. I chuckle softly. "I'm a teenage boy" I say. "Does that mean yes?" She asks. I nod.

"Have you done it since we had sex?" She asks. "Yeah" I chuckle. "Oh" she says. "What?" I ask.

"Does that mean you don't enjoy sex as much as alone time?" she whispers. "No, mer.. don't be silly" I chuckle.

"I love having sex with you.. I feel great when you touch me, but..." I trail off. "What?" She asks. "It doesn't matter" I say. "Tell me please" she whispers. "You don't put out a lot, baby.. I get horny and you kinda reject me most of the time" I chuckle. She frowns, looking down.

"I'm sorry" she says. "No, don't apologise mer, never apologise for that.. but that's why" I say.

"I'm sorry" her lip wobbles and she starts crying. Shit. No. Fuck. Why is she crying? "It just scares me sometimes.. I'm sorry for letting you down" she says quietly. "You don't! Baby you don't.. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to upset you" I hug her.

"Stop crying please" I sigh, rubbing her back. "I'm a bad girlfriend" she sobs into my shoulder. "No, you're not" I stroke her hair.

"I love you so much mer" I say. She sniffles. "I love you" she wipes her tears. I kiss her. "I really really love you, derek" she hugs me again.

"I really really love you, baby" I pull her closer. We lay down and she rests her head on my chest. I stroke her hair gently and tickle her back until she falls asleep.