Train Wreck

Chapter Twenty-Seven: As in love with you as I am

They would be
As in love with you as I am
They would be
As in love with you as I am
They would be
As in love with you as I am
They would be
In love, love, love

Angels by The XX
*unedited* (word count:)

Audriana

The room is filled with at least ten people. Most of them, I don't know on a personal level. His sisters are here. We are being civil for his sake. I don't want to stress his body out anymore.

The doctors said he was brain dead and that there was nothing they could do at this point. They want to harvest his organs. I signed all of the papers for that. I signed a DNR if he codes while no one is here. I've made a lot of decisions in the last day.

"We can't let him suffer," Valley whispers. "He deserves to be free."

"I know. I'm giving every one time with him before I tell them to pull the plug," I reply. "This is not how I wanted everything to go."

"Do we know if he did this to himself or if he was murdered?" Valley asks.

"I didn't find a note," I reply. "His balcony doors were wide open and there was muddy footprints from someone coming in. Luka is looking into everything."

"Right," Valley murmurs. "He runs the family."

"He runs your family," I reply. "I'm no longer apart of it when he dies."

"You had his kids, Audriana. You will always be a big part of this family even if we don't like it," Valley replies. "You get everything. The businesses, the money, the houses. Luka has to start over and build the empire back up."

That doesn't feel true but I'm not going to say that. I feel out of place in this room. I wish it was just us two in here.

"If you are not immediate family please leave!" A nurse raises her voice from the doorway.

Everyone leaves except for Valley, Laura, and I. The nurse and doctor makes her way toward the head of the bed. I hold Matteo's hand in mine as tears fall from my eyes.

"We are going to start now," the doctor murmurs.

I lay my head on his leg and let the tears fall harder. I sob into his leg as they unplug the life support. I feel a hand touch my shoulder but I don't move or even dare to look.

I'm losing my husband. What am I going to do? How am I supposed to go on? I have to raise my kids alone. They will never get to know their father.

I look up at his pale face. He takes a deep breath before his chest stops rising. I wail as I squeeze his hand in mine.

It hurts. It hurts so fucking bad. I want him back. I need him back. I can't live without him. I stand up and stagger over to the head of the bed. I lean down and kiss the top of his head.

"I will love you forever and always."

-----

There are more than a hundred people here to see Matteo entombed. The rain fits the mood. It fits the aesthetic. Forget-Me-Nots and black dahlia flowers are arranged around the area. There are wreaths and chairs for those who need to sit down.

Fingers lace themselves between my fingers pulling me from my thoughts. I look over and see Grace standing beside me. She flashes me a sad smile.

"It's almost over," she whispers. "They will close the doors and you will be able to go home and mourn."

I look at the family crypt as they close the doors on my husband. My heart shatters. I fight off the tears and the dark pit growing in my stomach.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to go on. I don't know how to process this loss. How do you go on without your spouse? How do you tell your kids that they would have loved their dad? How am I going to keep his memory alive?