Train Wreck

Chapter Twenty-Three: Ouch I have lost myself again

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Breathe Me by Sia
*unedited* (word count:)

Audriana

I have fucking cancer. CANCER. I won't have it for long though. With the help of Matteo, my of so spectacular fucking husband, my eggs will be frozen waiting for his sperm to make them worthy. I am thankful for that.

"Mrs. Rossi, you have several deliveries!" One of Matteo's men yells from the front door.

I leave the dining room and make my way to the front door. There are black flowers everywhere. They are all different.

"Who are these from?" I ask.

"A Matteo Rossi! It came with a note!" The delivery guy yells.

I pick the note out of the flowers and open it. It's long. He has nice handwriting.

Audriana,
I'm just going to assume you like flowers. I know you like the color black as well. So I bought every black flower I could and had them delivered to the house for you. I know it's a lot but I want this to represent a change for us as a couple. I also want this to represent that what I have done is in the past and I am burning that bridge.
I love you. I love our kids. I'm not going to leave you. I'm not going to leave them. When you get this letter, I will be at my first therapy appointment. I don't expect this to work straight away. I will work on myself and do whatever you want me to. If you don't want me around then I will move somewhere else. I will do anything for you. I won't hurt you anymore. I need to set a better example for our babies.
Love you,
Matteo

I close the note and smile. He has no idea what he is doing. This ought to be fun.

"Put at least three flowers in each room and make sure they look nice," I mutter.

I go back to the dining room and tidy up my mess. I was organizing all of my hospital papers and itemized bills. I like to keep these things.

"BEST FRIEND!" Grace yells from somewhere.

"What?!" I yell back.

"You have a whole garden on your front steps," she replies as she walks into the dining room.

She's wearing a crop top and booty shorts. Her hair is pulled up into a bun and she has no makeup on. She looks comfortable today.

"I know," I reply. "What are you doing here?"

"Did Matteo leave yet?" She asks.

"No, he isn't leaving," I reply.

"Don't tell me you convinced him to stay. You don't need that man in your life. And don't say that you are staying for the children," she replies.

"He decided this on his own. We are going to work this out. If it doesn't work then I will leave. I want to see what he is going to do," I reply. "I'm not as dumb as everyone thinks I am. I know what I am doing. I do love this man. I can't entirely blame him for everything. He knows about Dimitri and he knows about those guys from St. Croix."

"OH, MY GOD! I forgot about them! We never brought it up again. How did he take that?" Grace asks as she sits down.

"He was livid and said I was a hypocrite for being mad at him. I don't blame him though. What we were doing to each other was wrong and I am a shit person for doing it as well," I reply. "We agreed that couples therapy was a must and maybe staying in separate rooms would be the best option until we get through our problems."