uThando

Chapter 7

Chapter 7

There's this annoying beeping sound that I can hear in the distance, but I can't quite place where I've heard it before. My eyes feel heavy and the pungent smell of what smells like pills fills my nostrils. I shift my body to try and I'm lying on a bed, which is definitely not mine because this one feels hard and almost sponge-like. Not sure if I'm making sense? Like it doesn't feel like I'm floating on a cloud, or I'm wrapped up in softness, no. It feels like I'm meant to lay as straight as a ruler. Anyway, I slowly try to open my eyelids which feel heavy and canvas my surroundings. I am in what looks like a hospital, judging from the white walls, the machine that's placed next to me and the flimsy blanket that smells like piss that's covering my limbs. There's a small window on my left and from the beautiful orange hues that blanket the sky, I can already tell that it's late in the day. I tear my eyes away from the window and sweep them across the rest of the room. I'm shocked to see Banzi sitting on one of the chairs with his eyes closed and his arms folded across his chest. Maybe he's the one who can help me get some water. My throat feels dry and scratchy. "B-Banzi," I call out to him. The sound of my voice must have startled him because he snaps his eyes open and bewilderedly runs them across the room as though in search of whoever called his name. When his eyes lock with mine, he jumps off of his chair and rushes to my side. If it wasn't for this scratch throat and heaviness that I feel, I would be laughing at him. "You're up. Do you need anything?" he asks while running his eyes all over my body. "W-wa-water," I falter through the gravel that has now become my throat. He leans his body over mine, intoxicating me with his scent and fiddles with something before he walks to the edge of my bed to pour water for me in a glass. He walks back to me, assists me in sitting up and helps me drink. "Thank you," I say, shifting my head away from the glass. He places it beside me and returns his focus to me. "I've buzzed the nurse or a doctor, so he or she should be here any minute from now," he says, shoving his hands inside his sweatpants. Though I can tell he's concerned over my well-being, I can't help but feel like he's upset or angry; maybe at me, I don't know. I mean, his demeanour is warm and gentle yet cold so, I don't know if all of this is in my head or what. Just as I'm about to say something, a doctor walks through the door and greets us and introduces herself as Dr Jaxa.

"Miss Twalo how are you feeling this afternoon?" she asks, beaming at me.

"Fine," I respond softly. I honestly don't have the strength to engage in conversation right now.

All I want is a nice hot bath, hearty food and my bed; that's it.

"I'm pleased to hear that. You're here because you had an anxiety attack," she informs me while noting something on her chart. I look at her emotionless, or even speechless.

"Was this your first time experiencing such?" I shake my head 'no'. She sighs. My unwillingness to converse must be frustrating her.

"Do you experience such attacks often?" Yet again, I respond using my head, 'yes'.

"Are you on any medication?"

"No," I whisper in response, before fixing my eyes on my thighs. I hate pills.

"Are your attacks triggered by anything?" she probes further. How I wish she didn't ask.

"..." Silence is what I give her in response. I can see her shoulders sag, but she continues to look at me with gentle eyes.

"Miss Twalo, I think you know just how serious panic attacks are, you've experienced them. I also think you know how important it is to know how to manage them. Have you gone to see, or considered talking to a psychiatrist before?"

"A psychiatrist?! I'm not crazy!" I snap at her.

"I never said you were, but you do need to find a way to manage them," she retorts. Sigh.