All of Me

20

Liz's pov

Eventually, Kian and Jc showed up with all of their friends.

This forced me to go outside, where I honestly tried to have a good time.

There was nobody that I felt truly connected with, since most of them were wasted within a couple of hours.

I was pulled into conversations with so many people, but I always managed to wiggle my way out of them.

The food stand was my only friend, where I helped myself to bite-sized sandwiches and little candies.

"What's good over here, anything?" Kian asked, coming to stand beside me.

Kevin made hot dogs, and everyone seemed to enjoy them. I didn't like the smell, and it honestly made me a little queasy so I tried to avoid them.

"The little ham sandwiches," I said, pointing at them as I covered my mouth since it was full of food.

"Thanks," He said before leaning on the counter to face me, "So, you're having a girl?" He asked, since he came late and missed the reveal.

"Yeah," I said as he nodded. "That's exciting. I never really thought Colby would be the first one in our friend group to have a kid, but I think you'll be a good mom,"

"Yeah, it is kinda weird huh?" I asked with a chuckle, glancing over to where he was with Jake and Brennen, jumping around as they listened to a song that I was unfamiliar with. "He went from player to baby daddy,"

"Has he had a hard time adjusting?" Kian asked, watching him.

"He's been okay for the most part, I think," I said before admitting, "I think he's still comprehending that he's going to be a dad,"

"Yeah, but it's like that sometimes," Kian said before nodding down to where my baby was growing, "Have you guys talked about names yet?"

"Once or twice," I shrugged, "I have a name in mind, but I don't know if he'll like it,"

"Care to share?" Kian asked with a smile and a wink.

It was a really attractive thing for him to do. I don't know what exactly made me think that, but I wasn't going to change my mind.

"No. Not yet," I grinned, taking a tiny bite of my sandwich.

"Are you going to reveal the name before the baby gets here?" Kian asked, seeming absolutely obsessed with this unborn child of mine.

"I honestly haven't thought that far ahead," I said with a sigh, "Everything has just been so crazy lately,"

"How far along are you?" He asked, and I paused for a moment to think about it.

"Tomorrow will be the twenty three week mark," I said with a smile.

"Huh," Kian said, crossing his arms, "It's funny how we only just found out when that video came out,"

"It's been like a month or so since Colby uploaded it," I pointed out.

"It feels like I only saw it for the first time, like, a week ago," He said before asking, "How did his fans react?"

"Most of it was bad," I said with a shrug, "A lot of people were calling me names, but some people were really encouraging,"

"I hate that you have to go through all of that," He said, "I know that when I read a hate comment, it really affects the way I think about my videos and it makes me reconsider certain things I did.  It's probably a lot worse for you,"

"Yeah, it can be," I said with a shrug, "But I try not to read that stuff too much if I can help it,"

I remember the meltdown I had whenever we posted the baby video.

The amount of names and shaming I got was unreal. I've seen hate before, but it got so bad that even the good comments meant nothing.

Colby shut the comments off on the video after that, and promised that any of the videos about the baby wouldn't have comments, either.

"If you ever need a babysitter, just let me know," Kian said, his infectious grin making me smile back at him.

I liked how enjoyable Kian's presence was. It was like it didn't matter that we were at a party full of drunk people with music blasting.

It was just the two of us in a swirl of chaos.

"I will, I'm sure everyone will be fighting over who gets to babysit," I said with a shrug, "Or even just hold her,"

"Liz!" Kat shouted, causing me to look over in her direction.

She waved me over, causing me to look at Kian, "That's my calling. Have fun, Kian,"

"Will do," He promised as I grabbed one more mini sandwich and made my way over to Kat.

She ushered me off to the side, speaking quietly, "I understand that Colby is celebrating and all, but I think you should get him to slow down with the drinks,"

I glanced over at Colby, who was with Jake. They were untying the balloons that the girls hung up as decoration, kissing most of them before letting them go and waving at them.

It seemed very peaceful, but obviously if Kat was the one bringing it to my attention than other people were probably bothered too.

"Okay, I'll talk to him," I sighed, giving Kat a small grin before making my way over to the boys.

"What are you doing, babe?" I asked as he untied another balloon.

"We're giving wishes to Jesus," Colby said happily, kissing the balloon and waving as he let it go, "Goodbye Jesus,"

He gave me a silly grin as Jake poked over his shoulder, letting another balloon go.

Colby closed the space between us, molding his body against mine as he kissed me.

The smell of beer came pouring onto me, and the only reason I didn't push him away was because I missed the taste of it.

I missed the partying life. I missed the alcohol, I missed the thrill it gave me to be free.

I shook the thought away as a familiar calling whispered in my ear, the calling of the monster.

My meth monster.

"We're having a girl," Colby slurred as I pulled away from him, and I had to fight the laugh that tried to escape my lips.

"Yeah," I said, "I think you should start drinking water,"

"Water?" Jake asked, butting in between us, "Save the water for later brother. It's time to party,"

"I just want to go to sleep soon," I pointed out, which wasn't a complete lie.

Most nights nowadays I was in bed by nine, or ten at the latest.

I was aware that tonight would be an exception to that, but it still was a good reason for Colby to slow down on the alcohol.

Unless he didn't care.