All of Me

22

Liz's pov

I was really closing in on myself.

I thought living in my own apartment would make me happy, or at least at peace.

But it was hard to find peace when it felt like I was going into war with myself.

I was sitting out on my balcony, on the floor as I tried to watch the sun set behind the city buildings.

Realistically, I should be inside doing the endless piles of laundry or doing the mile high stack of dishes in the sink.

I had my arms resting on my knees that were pulled to my chest.

There was a faint smell of cigarette smoke, and it was just enough for me to realize what I was missing.

I was missing the thrill of my monster's company, or even a close second being nicotine.

I felt my body aching and tingling to feel something that wasn't physically in front of me, but inside of me.

And it wasn't sex or a thrill rush.

I wanted happiness, or at least a temporary forever that lasted until I came down from a high.

I ran my fingers through my gross, stringy hair.

I don't know the last time I've seen Colby, I think I remember him mentioning being on a trip or something.

God knows where my phone is, or where my car keys are.

I knew that my baby shower was coming up, but I didn't know what day it was.

Colby's parents would be here, along with all of our friends, since the girls planned it.

I wonder what Kian is doing. Could I talk to him?

Looking like this, no.

Teeth unbrushed, hair undone, stomach unfed, house untidy, I probably looked like a mess.

Who am I kidding, I am a mess.

I pushed myself off of the floor, waddling my way back into my apartment.

I left the sliding door open, hoping that the Los Angeles air would freshen up this place.

I walked into the bathroom, flicking on the light and standing in front of the sink.

The mirror held someone I didn't know if I recognized.

My face and body had surely puffed out more than I remembered the last time I looked.

Was this the reason I couldn't bring myself to do anything?

Why was I letting myself drown in self pity?

There's more to life than being sad for no reason.

I shut the light off in the bathroom, heading out to the kitchen in pursuit of my phone and speaker.

Everything was gross.

There was garbage all over the counter, which I scooped off into the already overflowing trash can.

I found my speaker, and set it on the stool that was tucked underneath the counter.

I moved on to the living area, where there was popcorn from when Kat and Devyn came over for a movie night a couple of days ago.

I set the bowl on the balcony with the hopes that some bird would come and finish off the popcorn.

I shook out all the blankets outside, and found my phone powered off half underneath the couch.

I had multiple missed calls, mostly from Colby.

Seven from Colby, two from Kat and one from Jake.

Jake had left a voicemail, but I didn't care enough to open it.

I had texts from Elton and Kian, which was very surprising since I hadn't talked to either of them since the gender reveal.

I ignored them all, however. I plugged my phone in, and hooked it up to the speaker.

I let Lil Peep soothe the apartment's soundless screams as I began to pick up the house.

I changed into a tank top and shorts, throwing a basket of clothes into the washer before tackling the dishes.

It took me at least an hour to clean the kitchen, and I was just starting to clean off the couch cushions with a vacuum whenever someone began pounding at my door.

"Liz," Colby said, and I knew from his tone that he was pissed off, "Open the fucking door,"

I quickly went over and unlocked it, stepping back just as Colby stormed in.

"Why the fuck aren't you answering your phone?" Colby shouted, going over to it and disconnecting it from the speaker, showing me all of the calls and texts that I didn't bother to deal with.

"I've been busy," I defended, plucking the phone out of his hands.

"So busy you didn't bother to show up to your own goddamn baby shower?" He asked, as if he didn't believe me at all.

"Yes, Colby," I crossed my arms, "I didn't even remember that it was today,"

"We've talked about it seven thousand times, Elizabeth!" He said, throwing his hands in the air.

"When?" I asked, "Don't you think I would remember the date of my baby shower?"

"So if you remembered then why were we all at the place waiting for you to show up. And then, on top of that, you weren't even answering your phone?" Colby asked, his tone seeming like he was talking to a child.

"Look, I'm sorry," I said as Colby rolled his eyes, "I'm just trying to get shit done around here. It must of slipped my mind,"

"I don't think you realized how much that meant to me," Colby said, crossing his arms, "This is our first kid, and you seem to let everything about her slip your mind,"

"This is one time," I defended, causing him to ask, "What about all of your scheduled appointments with the baby's doctor? When was the last time you went to one?"

I didn't respond, my silence showing that we both knew the answer.

"You need to get your shit together," Colby said, slamming his fist down on the counter. "I'm fucking sick of it,"

"Where are you going?" I asked frantically as he stomped over to my door, pulling it open forcefully.

"I'm going to my apartment," He informed, "I'm so fucking tired of dealing with your shit. I can't take it anymore,"

"What are you saying?" I asked, feeling my heart drop as I guessed at where this was going.

I raced over to the door, grabbing it as Colby let it close behind him.

"Colby!" I began to yell down the empty hallway, but my voice croaked out. "What do you mean by that?"

He stopped as his hand reached the doorknob, turning over and looking at me.

"We're done," Was all he said before disappearing into his apartment.

He left me alone. I was truly alone.