Together

18. Roller Coaster

You know I say that I am better now
Better now
I only say that cause you're not around
Not around
You know I never meant to let you down
Let you down
-Post Malone

Shoupe was growing worried about JJ. At first, he took the kid's sudden turn in mood as missing Kiara. He was aware that the Carrera girl was going on a trip with her family for a couple weeks. He expected a couple days of moping, but this wasn't that.

JJ went to work and came straight home every day. He retreated to his room and hardly came out. Shoupe began to notice that JJ was always home when he would return from a shift at the station, and he hadn't told him he was staying at John B's or going to be out late. He just didn't seem to go anywhere.

As the days dragged on Shoupe was counting down until the Carrera girl returned, thinking that would turn the boy's mood back to its norm.

On day eleven Shoupe waited for JJ in the lobby of Outer Banks Behavioral Health. He was hopeful that JJ's mood would be better after he spoke to Dani. Times after sessions with her always seemed to relax him.

Unfortunately, this time was not like most times.

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Dani observed JJ's change in demeanor as he sat on the chair across from her. She was trained and highly aware of subtle shifts in moods and presentation. When she first started seeing JJ he was guarded and distrustful. She was not lying when she commented that she wasn't upset by that. She really did want to earn his trust.

As sessions progressed, she watched his guardedness be reserved for moments when he felt like things were heading in a direction he was not comfortable talking about. His biological parents mostly. She was quick to back out of those conversations and not push him too hard.

By now she felt she had a sturdy enough rapport built that she could be more frank with him. So, when they started the session off with practicing visualizations and other methods of coping with his anxiety, and noticed how out of focus he was the entire time, she didn't hesitate to stop and ask him directly,

"JJ, can I ask you something?"

JJ looked up for probably the first time in twenty minutes. He only shrugged. A defeated gesture that gave her the impression that he had been carrying something and didn't have the strength to fight her questions about it.

"Correct me if I am wrong, you just seem like there is a lot on your mind."

JJ shifted, his once drooped posture stiffening at the recognition she pointed out. She could see him press his lips together before he spoke, seeming to want to hold a part of his answer back. In the most minimalist of answers he simply said, "Yeah."

"Can I ask you about it?"

"I really don't wanna talk about it if that's okay," he says. He sounded broken and she could see that her even drawing attention to whatever he had on his mind was making it difficult for him to keep himself together.

"That's okay, JJ," she replied. She knew she couldn't force him to talk. Letting him have this now would make it easier in the future.

She led him out of the session but before he could take off with Shoupe, she asked him quickly, "JJ, if you don't mind, I'd like to talk with Mr. Shoupe for a few minutes."

She expected him to ask why, question what motives she had or what she might tell him, but he didn't.

"Whatever," he huffed out in an exhausted tone. Like he truly couldn't be bothered by anything that was shared.