Together

145. He's happy

Honey I know
Wherever you go
I'd give up half of forever
I'd give up half of forever
Offer me up, I'm yours
All of my love, I'm sure
I'd give up half of forever
I'd give up half of forever
Just to be with you
-Henrik

As Kiara is making her way back towards Shoupe and Nicki she looks over her shoulder several times. Clair just dipping like she did was enough concern for her to wonder if she was going to seek JJ out on her own. Not like he wouldn't be hard to find, now that she was aware he was competing in the competition.

Kiara mentally slaps herself for giving that kind of information, grimacing at herself outwardly. Really she shouldn't have said anything. She was just so mad at her though. All the pain she's watched JJ go through trying to figure out what happened to her and the lingering affects of rejection and abandonment. It wasn't fair to him.

Clair's words circle in her head, though.

Don't you think that's his decision

Yes. It absolutely is his decision. Even if Kiara felt the words were more than a little manipulative, she couldn't argue that Clair was wrong. JJ did have a right to make that decision. It was up to him, and she just took it away.

She feels sick as she finally comes up on the spot where they will be watching JJ compete. Anxiously, she looks over towards the area where the competitors are waiting. She smiles when she sees Ben and JJ conversing.

"How long has Ben been here?" she asks, taking a stand next to Shoupe.

He regards her momentarily before answering, clocking that she's not looking him in the eye. "Just after you left," Shoupe reports. "He's very excited."

"Who, Ben or JJ?" she chuckles, watching as the surfing coach gets animated with his directions and instructions to the younger boy.

"Definitely Ben," Shoupe recognizes.

JJ himself is stoic and serious. He nods his understanding, paying as much attention to the words coming from Ben as probably anything that any formal school teacher has ever taught him.

"Who were you talking with?" Shoupe ventures.

Kiara feels herself tense, a knot forming in her throat. She didn't think Shoupe would ask her that.

"Kiara?" he says, noting her silence at the question. Surely anything that would come out of such a long pause was a bigger answer than a simple, no one or just someone I ran into.

A feeling overcomes her. She hated keeping things from people. Secrets were only kept when it was necessary. No secrets amongst pogues, pogues don't lie to other pogues, etc. It feels like bile in her throat to think about saying anything but,

"His mom."

Shoupe's face contorts like he isn't understanding who's mother she's talking about. "What?"

"It was Clair," Kiara divulges, looking at JJ. He's nodding at Ben, smiling now.

"Hold on, here," Shoupe requests, looking around like he was expecting the woman to still be here.

"I told her to leave," Kiara breathes, feeling a rising sense of panic start to come up. She told his mom to leave. Practically yelled at her. Sent her away.

She knows it was the right decision. It was. JJ couldn't afford to be distracted. Not right now, just not right now. It wasn't like she was saying that she could never return. She just couldn't let her bombard his life at the worst possible time.

But that wasn't her decision, and she knows it. Fuck.

"Fuck, Shoupe," she says, wanting to cry. "I didn't mean to...I just didn't want him distracted I—"