Together

14. Therapy

It's not toxic
The way you feel
It's not prefect
We hurt, we heal
-Nic D

Therapy is not what JJ was expecting. He's seen it on TV and in movies. He was imagining it to be something like that. Sit on a long couch and a guy with a clip board writes down all the things you say. Or a woman gives you tissues as you break down telling her all your problems and she tells you exactly what to do to fix your life.

Neither of those scenarios made JJ excited or comfortable about this new requirement. He had no intentions of opening up his past with anyone, let alone a stranger.

When a brown haired, blue eyed woman, who introduced herself simply as Dani, called him back he was thoroughly surprised when she said the same thing.

"You don't know me, and it's not a bad thing that you don't trust me," she said after going through her credentials and limits to what she could and couldn't keep private. As expected, she was required to report child abuse.

"I'd rather you be hesitant than trust everyone, especially if you've just met them."

Something about that put him at ease. She wasn't going to expect him to talk to her about everything, not right now anyway. He wasn't prepared to let his guard down with her completely though.

"So what if I don't ever wanna trust you," he questioned pointedly. There had to be a catch. He was expected to talk to her and he felt like the reason was to get Luke in trouble, and JJ didn't want anything to do with him anymore.

"Believe it or not," she smiled. "you don't have to tell me anything about what you've been through if you don't want to."

"So how does this work then?" he asked. His understanding of what this was supposed to be like was being thrown out the window.

"A lot of people I see struggle with different things, like anxiety or depression for example," she starts. "Everyone is different though. My job is to help you manage or get past what's causing you problems in a way that's specific to you," she says.

Guessing his next question Dani adds, "Yes, sometimes that means talking about what's happened, but other times I can give you tools to help that don't require that kind of self disclosure."

The rest of the appointment was a lot of questions for her assessment. When she got to asking about any history with abuse she paused and said that he wasn't required to answer if he didn't want to. JJ declined to speak on it and she moved along like she had never asked.

When Dani had finished her assessment questions she set aside her note pad and just started to ask him about himself more casually. Things like what he enjoys doing in his free time, what he likes about his job, and how he was doing with the end of the school year. It just felt like a normal get to know you conversation and Dani was easy enough to talk to. She didn't mind him swearing and didn't react when he said something out of left field.

The hour flew by and she explained that their next session would focus more on working towards what he would like different about his mental health.

JJ could already tell her he had no idea. He's been the way he is his whole life, how was he supposed to know what's normal and what's not?

Dani assured him she would help him sort that part out.

-------------------------------------------------

The following week JJ met with Dani she asked him about the symptoms he endorsed in the assessment. Things like nightmares, panic attacks, and anxious thoughts.

He wasn't completely comfortable talking about them in detail though. They all surrounded his experiences with his dad and he didn't want to go there.

Dani could sense his guard going up when she started to ask when the symptoms started. Darcy had spoken to her about their suspicions of abuse and how JJ was extremely closed off to discussing it. She changes course.