Together

144. I'll be a wall for you

So, baby be mine when the sunsets
Til the day it doesn't come up, yea
Run away til our lung give up
I'll breathe in your air until I turn to your dust
-Henrik

They walk a couple blocks out of the suburban neighborhood before agreeing to call an Uber at a gas station down the road. JJ hasn't said a word since they left Clair's place, and Kie doesn't ask him to.

Clair's reaction was less than ideal to say the least. She was clearly thrown off by their appearance, but that shouldn't have mattered. She reached out because she told Darcy she wanted to connect with her son, and then she just stood there. He was right in front of her and she did nothing.

Well, she did say something. Just none of the right things. Kie believed that JJ deserved answers, and it was heartbreaking to watch Clair fail so miserably at providing them. For explaining anything, least of all why she reached out.

Did she really want to be in his life at all? Was reaching out just an impulsive decision that she regret? Was JJ right in assuming that her making a phone call proved nothing. It was hard to see how that wasn't the case right now.

"JJ," she carefully says.

He's looking out the window, knuckle caught between his teeth as they drive back to San Clemente. Losing himself in thought, and she just hopes that those thoughts aren't hurting him.

When she reaches for him, touching his hand that he has resting on his thigh, he turns towards her. Like she pulled him from whatever monster was grabbing him. Tear tracks line his face as blue meets brown.

She wants to hurl insults at the woman who could hurt him so much by doing so little. How could she?

"I love you," Kie whispers, because that's the only thing she has. She knows it's not enough. That he deserves so much more. He shouldn't have had to ask for it, even everyone was encouraging him to do so. Literally everyone was telling him to give Clair a shot, to reach out, to see what she wanted from him.

He put himself out on the line and Kie watched it get thrown in his face. His long lost mother's last chance at bringing him some kind of explanation, and all she could do was wonder why he reached out, what he was doing on her doorstep. Kie doesn't like to question anyone's intelligence, but seriously? Why did she think he was there?

JJ's eyes close and he leans into her, head resting on his girlfriend's shoulder. She immediately runs her hands through his hair, holding him close as she rests her cheek atop his head.

She feels tears touch her shirt, the only evidence of his silent cries aside from the momentary shudder of his shoulders from trying to accept breath without it coming out like a sob. Tears prick her own eyes as it begins to feel like a stab to the heart the farther they get from San Diego.

Eventually the emotional exhaustion of the day becomes too much to fight, and JJ slips into unconsciousness. Kie lets him lean on her, holding on to him as the world buzzes by outside the speeding car.

"I got you," she whispers, kissing his head.

——————————————————————

When they got back to the motel JJ said he was too tired to go to dinner. Shoupe gave a concerned once over the pair that were standing in front of him, but neither made significant eye contact or elaborated on the unknown issue that was clearly there. So, he nodded and him and Nicki left them to their own devices.

Once out of view, JJ encouraged Kie to go with Shoupe and his sister, stating that he would be alright. She refused, lightly brushing off his arguments that they shouldn't push it with being in each other's rooms. Joked that he didn't want the sheriff to send her packing for not following the law as it were.