Together

33. I'll come with you

Life is not a love song that we like
We're all broken pieces floating by
Life is not a love song we can try
To fix our broken pieces, one at a time
I like that you're broken
Broken like me
Maybe that makes me a fool
I like that you're lonely
Lonely like me
I could be lonely with you
-Lovelytheband

"Leave me alone!"

"Stop!"

"Get off me!"

Shoupe tries to shake JJ awake as the boy continues to thrash and fight against whatever plagued him in his nightmare. Shoupe has never seen him like this. Nightmares were not something he was aware JJ had. But he must. This seems like something that was reoccurring.

"JJ, JJ wake up," Shoupe says.

JJ is startled when he opens his eyes and he's not looking at Luke. He exhales in relief, falling back into his pillow and running a hand over his face. Thank God. It wasn't real.

Shoupe is still standing over him and takes a seat on the bed. "You okay, kid?"

JJ suddenly finds that embarrassment he always had when someone had to wake him from a nightmare. Most of the time it was John B since he stayed at the chateau more nights than not in the past. His brother usually woke him and then left, knowing that he didn't want to talk about it. Shoupe doesn't get the drill yet.

"Yeah," he says, breathing heavily as he fights to calm down. "It's nothing, I'm good." He's still laying on his back and looking at the ceiling.

God, he hadn't had a nightmare like that since he moved in with Shoupe. Actually, the last nightmare he had could probably be traced back as the source of him living with the deputy if he really connected the dots. He couldn't sleep after it and ended up night surfing. That turned into pneumonia which sent him to the hospital and there you go. Almost a straight line.

Shoupe doubts it's nothing, but he doesn't want to push the kid to talk about it right then. Dreams are personal and based on what JJ was saying in his, it probably was more than a nightmare. Sounded like a memory. He could check in tomorrow.

Shoupe nods, patting his leg over the blanket before leaving the room.

---------------------------------------------

JJ continues to toss and turn, trying to find sleep. God, not again. He grunts in frustration. He can't shake the nightmare, especially since he actually remembers it. That hardly ever happens. Even rarer than yelling in his sleep. Tonight was his fucking lucky night he guessed.

All he can think about is the first time Luke hit him. He could hardly pull apart the times after, them all running together over time. But he remembered the first time.

His mom had been gone for about a month and Luke's drinking had only increased. He always had bad moods and was angry, but now it was dangerous. Seven-year-old JJ did his best to keep his head down, not wanting to draw attention to himself. Luke always yelled at him and that was more than enough to get him to comply.

One night he was in the kitchen trying to fix himself a sandwich. The food that his mom bought before she left was dwindling and all he had was bread and peanut butter. He left the ingredients on the counter, not bothering to put them away. Honestly, he just didn't think about it.

For some reason that set Luke off. He came stumbling into the living room, drunk and angry, and yelling about the mess. JJ was just sitting on the floor, cross legged, watching TV and he quickly crawled backwards at the sudden advance.

Luke picked him up by the front of his shirt, spitting vile words like, "You lazy piece of shit, this is why your mother left!" That was a favorite phrase over the years.