Grape Juice (By the Border, #1) ✓

5

To Kenzie Valeria,

Wala pa rin akong ideya kung ano ang dahilan sa likod ng pagsulat ko sayo ng liham. Napatanong din ako sa sarili kung ano bang punto nito kung hindi ko naman ibibigay sayo, na susunugin ko lang lahat ng maisusulat ko bago ako tuluyang magpaalam.

At paano ko ba ito sisimulan? Should it be a lengthy and detailed "thank you"? Should I apologize for letting you know about my suicide plan? You insisted so much, but in the end, I'm the one who let you carry that burden since the beginning of the school year. Pero kahit na. Wala namang halaga ang paghingi ko ng tawad kung wala na rin ako.

Malungkot ang mga mata mo, parang kay Nadine. Akala ko nga noong una'y nabawasan lamang ang pagkaberde ng mga ito dahil hindi sila natamaan ng ilaw, pero hindi naman ganoon ang kulay nila noong una nating pagkikita. Now I realized it's because you're sad. I don't know if I'm the reason behind that, or if there's something more that I'm not aware of. Sinabi ko na sa iyo noon na hindi kaibigan ang turing ko sayo, pero siyam na buwan na rin tayong magkakilala, kaya marahil iyon ang dahilan kung bakit nakikita ko ang lahat—maski ang pinakatinatago mong damdamin.

You're sad, and I would like to know why.

***

Novah caught me off-guard.

It should've been the other way around, as I just tapped his shoulder to get his attention, but it elicited a high-pitched squeal from him. Noong unay'y inasahan ko pang maiinis siya, pero hindi gan'on si Novah. Naalala ko na naman ang isa sa mga kwento ni Kenzie—her brother used to refuse eating seafood as he felt bad for the dead crabs and shrimps. Nagawa niyang ichismis sa 'kin ang impormasyong iyon pagdating niya kanina, dahil lamang tinanong ko kung pumasok si Novah ngayong araw. She was a little confused by my question. Truth be told, I was, too.

"What's up? Ni hindi ko pa nga kayo nakikitang mag-usap nang kayong dalawa lang, eh," she said after confirming that he was indeed present. "Nababawasan na ba ang katorpehan no'n?"

"Ha?"

"Nothing." Kenzie shook her head. "Nandoon na siya sa kabila. Ano bang meron?"

I didn't see the need to entertain that question, because if it wasn't for Novah borrowing my pen yesterday, none of this would be happening now.

I settled with a simple don't mind it for an answer.

Now I awkwardly stood here, less than two minutes before the bell would ring, and Novah sat in front of me, one hand holding his chest. Nasurpresa ko siya, oo, pero masyado naman ata siyang dramatic.

His smile was sickeningly bright, maybe because classes hadn't begun yet. "Good morning!" he greeted. "Nandito ka, ah! That's a first."

I held out my hand instead of returning pleasantries. "'Yong ballpen ko. Akin na."

"Ah, right. Teka lang." Walang kibo akong nanatili sa pwesto ko habang kinaklak ni Novah ang bag niya. Bigla siyang tumigil, binaon pa lalo ang kamay niya sa loob, at nagpatuloy sa paghanap. Matapos ay may nilabas siyang itim na ballpen. It was a little thicker, and its casingg shone against the light when he held it up. And its features—obviously from an expensive brand, obviously not mine.

"Nakalimutan ko 'yong sayo sa bahay," he said, not meeting my eyes. "Ibabalik ko nalang mamayang lunch, kung okay lang."

Sinubukan kong hindi mapakunot sa dahilan niya. "Hindi tayo allowed lumabas sa school tuwing tanghali. Pa'no mo—"

"Just take it, Wes." Novah put the pen in my hand, closing my fingers around it. Iyan na naman ang nakakainis niyang ngiti. Bakit ba siya ganito lagi? "I'll see you later."