In the dark

58

"Mmmm," Peri groans. "This feels nice," she says, rubbing the fabric with her whole hand, feeling its smooth, leathery texture run underneath her. "It feels really good, actually." 

Peri also rubs her cheek against the fabric and continues to hum in delight. A low groan is heard just above her head as the sound travels beyond her vision. Peri wasn't paying any attention to the noises coming and going throughout the room; she was content being where she was. 

A large hand is placed on Peri's back and gently rubs up and down her spine. "If you are like this with the couch, I can't imagine what your going to be like in our bathroom," Jin's smooth voice sounded just above her sprawled-out body.

Peri turned herself slightly, lifting her arm out and reaching out as far as she could go. "So close, yet...So. Far. Away," Peri said, giving her best Captain Kirk impression. Jin had to laugh at her. She'd probably laugh at herself if she knew who she was mimicking. 

"Are you happy to be home?" he asked as he continued to rub her back. Peri only hummed in contentment. She was indeed happy to be home. She had immensely enjoyed her time on tour. She had witnessed things she never thought she would see in her lifetime. She tasted food from other cultures and cities that still left her mouth salivating for more. 

Peri let out a hard sigh when she thought about her boys. Her boys. All of her new experiences had come from them. They had given her more of literally anything than she had ever had before. More kindness. More understanding. More laughter. More love. 

Definitely more love. Peri would hold their hands until she could feel her palms become sweaty. They would wrap their arms around her body and hold her until they were forced to be moved. A smile would erupt on Peri's face when she felt their quick pecks against her shoulder, temple, hand, or below her ear. Peri couldn't refute that the nights after the show, when they would all lounge around on the sofa, were her favorite moment. To sit back, eating bowls of instant ramen and fried chicken, talking about their lives. Per's heart would swell when she was told stories of family fishing trips, basketball summer camps, and even their time as trainees.

Peri wished she had stories of her youth that were just as exciting. Her days were spent stuffed inside her room, trying not to move a muscle or roaming around the city until she knew her father had finally unlocked the door. Most likely because he had forgotten her existence by that point and absentmindedly left the door open. 

Peri would never tell them those stories. She would shake her head no if they asked her a question or give a simple answer that she didn't know because her mind chose not to. Her memories of the past were locked in a box, covered in cement, wrapped in barbed wire, then tossed into the darkest depths of her mind. Her brain refused to bring them to the surface or even acknowledge their presence. However, her unconscious mind would wander into the depths, pull fragments out of the box, and bring them into her sleeping state, letting the memories fester into nightmares.

Namjoon had explained the reason for her nightmare was because Peri repressed her memories down so much, but they had to come out somewhere. Yet, even then, Peri refused. She didn't want her memories any more than she wanted her past life. Everything about her was different now, right down to her name. The boys had given her that. She had a new lease of life, and that's how she would see it. The old her was gone along with her past, but Peri was here and present. 

"Who wants pizza and a movie tonight?" Hobi's voice called out to the group. Everyone agreed, and the annual debate about which movie to watch began. 

Peri dragged her body upward from the couch she was lying on and started walking toward her sanctuary. "Pick whatever you like. I am going to take a shower."