Denial (Salvis)

An Empty Seat Filled {14}

Tw: homphobia (internal)

A/n

Hey, readers! I will be getting extremely busy with exams and stuff, as well as going on a trip soon! Because of these factors, I may be going on a hiatus shortly. I will be trying to write as many chapters as I can this weekend before I get overwhelmed, and stretch out the updates throughout the time where I will not be present. If you are reading this between the dates of June 17th and July 14th, updates will likely be spotty/non existent. Sorry for any inconvenience!

        Travis shuffled his feet against the dense fabric that incapsulated the risers he was standing on. Harmonic singing drowned out his homophilic thoughts, forcing him to pay a small amount of attention to his surroundings. Despite being in the choir, Travis never cared for music much. His singing was excellent, though he still chose to neglect his chorally duties, numbly staring into space. He lifted his face to count the number of church goers actually paying attention to the indecipherable lyrics, a typical way he passed the time, most days he could total the intrigued congregation members on one hand. As his eyes surveyed the disinterested crowd, his eyes locked with a familiar blue-haired figure. Travis's heart started racing, why was Sal at church? Sal curtly waved to Travis and presumably smiled, trying not to attract any unwanted attention. Travis felt the blood rushing to his face, unable to hide the smile curling at the corners of his lips. 

        The formally dressed group slowly started trickling out of the ministry, the lecture had been multiple dreadful hours. After the talking died out, one figure remained in the center of the room. Travis rigidly walked towards Sal, trying to think of what to say. 

"Hey, Trav! Nice service."

"Uh, thanks. I didn't really do anything, though."

"So I noticed, you're not a fan of singing?" Sal inquired, lightheartedly.

"Not when I have to sing tenor, no."

"Oh? You can hit the high notes, then? How about a demonstration?" Travis could only assume that under the mask, Sal had an audacious grin.

"I'd really rather not, actually. Why are you here?"

"Your father told me I should attend, and I wanted to see the place in person." He added, almost as an afterthought.

"So, you thought it'd be a good idea to sit through a whole service?" Travis crossed his arms over his chest, trying to appear less awkward than he felt.

"You seem to be able to do it, but yeah I didn't think it would be that long. It wasn't bad though, I got to look at you the whole time, after all; you look nice in that!" Sal motioned to Travis's ceremonial clothing. His hands instantly became sweaty, Travis left the silence hovering in the air.

"Uhhh, yeah. Anyways, do you wanna go hang out or something?" Sal misread his emotions as discomfort, and quickly tried to undo his attempt at flirting.

"I have to help clean up stuff here, sorry."

"How about after that? I can wait here for you to finish." Travis paused, thinking about Sal's offer.

"I'm sure Father wouldn't mind too much, follow me." He lead Sal towards the staff room, hoping he wouldn't run into the ill-tempered pastor. The door squeaked as the two entered the room, "You can take a seat at the table. Most of the stuff I have to do is in here, so you won't be alone for very long." Sal did as he was told, and sat down in the old, rickety chair. The paint on the wood was worn down and one of the chair legs had been chipped, causing it to wobble whenever weight was applied, but Sal didn't seem to care.

"What's all this stuff?" Papers, ink cartons and various other items were strewn about the table.

"I don't know, church stuff? If you could start separating it into piles, that would really speed this up." Travis shrugged his shoulders, not expecting Sal to actually do it.

"Alright, I'm just going to arrange it based off of the material." As Sal began shuffling papers across the surface, a certain tanned paper caught Travis's attention, though he ignored it and returned to organize the cabinet in front of him. 

"Thanks, Sally face, normally this would take me hours to do."

"No problem!"

        In the short thirty minutes the boys had been cleaning, Travis completely sorted out two desks and fixed the copy machine. Sal's task was much larger, but by the lack of noises coming from the table, Travis assumed he was almost finished as well. Light banter was exchanged the entirety of the time they were together, but Sal had grown oddly quiet, which made Travis nervous to start speaking again. The quietude was only broken when the sound of rapidly flipped pages sounded from the table, followed by Sal's calm, soothing voice.

"Trav, is this yours? It doesn't fit into any of the piles I've made, and I think I've seen you with it at school before." Travis turned and his blood instantly ran cold. He jolted forwards and grabbed the object from Sal's hands, gripping it with the strength of one thousand suns. It was his journal. The journal that he'd hidden his queer impulses, his struggles, his secrets, and Sal knew them now.

"Did you read through it?" Travis's voice was wreaked with panic, his eyes glossy.

"No, man, it's okay!" Sal raised his hands as a show of innocence, which Travis didn't buy for a second.

"How did you know it didn't belong? What was the sound of the papers? Don't lie to me!" Sal's eyes widened, he was taken aback by the sudden aggression. He glanced between Travis's eyes, leaving the room in a deafening silence.

"Okay, I read the page it was open to, but that's it! I thought it might've belonged to one of the church people, so I wanted to help you return it. I didn't look at anything else you wrote, I swear!" Travis's heart sank even deeper into his stomach. The page it was open to, was a direct confessing to Sal. It expressed his feelings, his thoughts, his wishes, his fantasies, everything. It even has Sal's name written on it multiple times. Travis stepped backwards, he wanted to run away and never come back, he wanted to dig a grave and jump in it right then and there, but he couldn't. Nothing he could do would rid him of this moment. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. It was almost as if the same love he carried for this boy had come back to torture him. His endearment had a chokehold on him, preventing him from speaking, moving and breathing. It forced him to watch as his world crumbled down, and a pit of shame opened up to swallow him whole. 

"Trav, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to invade your privacy. I understand if your upset, I shouldn't have done that." Sal's words of regret blended together with the unrelenting voices in his head. 

"He knows what you are."

"He knows that you're a faggot."

 "He knows everything, and he will never forgive you."

"He hates you now, and it's all your fault."

"God sees all, he sees right through your lies."

"Are you alright, dude?" Sal stepped closer and put his hand on Travis's shoulder, shaking him from the clutches of his own self hatred.

"Sal I- I- oh god. I'm so sorry. I'm not- I didn't- I never wanted this!"

"Woah, woah, it's okay, you're okay." He pulled the frantic boy into a tight hug. He held him there until Travis stopped shaking, and his breathing had returned to a semi-normal pace.

"How about we go for a walk, would you be okay with that?"

Word count: 1280